I'm still frightened by Matt's threat to take my sister instead of me. I can't do that. Isabella drives me mad and I really hate her sometimes, but she's my sister.
It was Kate that found me this morning. She had to half carry me home, and when I woke up, I found that Neil’s pants are gone. I was glad at first, because I’d been planning to throw them in the first bin I saw, but I didn’t want anyone to find out what has been happening to me. Now, obviously, Kate does. I don’t think she has told Mum, though. I think I would know if she had.
I looked at myself in the mirror earlier. I look awful. There’s a lump on my forehead where Neil hit me, and I’m bruised all over.
Once again I ask, “How could Matt do this to me?” I thought he loved me: now I know that he was only pretending. He was using me. I’m using the drugs again. I was trying to stop for a while, but it takes the pain away, at least for a while. I think Mum’s caught me acting strangely, but I’m too miserable otherwise.
I really can’t get out. Mum’s locked the door and padlocked the window from the outside. There’s no way out … unless the window isn’t there! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. That dictionary might be enough … although, even as I write, I’m wondering why I even bother …