The Racing Snail aka Matters of the Heart 1Mature

Ionia sat in a small clearing in the sugar rush forest, admiring a snail in the grass. A little while away hidden among the leaves stood Turbo, watching her solemnly, contemplating.

He'd never felt this way about anyone before. He'd never been much of a romantic; after all, romance wasn’t his thing, racing was. He hadnt even made anyone happy before, quite the opposite. He had infuriated a lot of characters,  who were now out for his blood. But this beautiful female bot, his thweetfathe, had done something to him. She had made him feel loved, wanted, appreciated. This had awakened feelings inside him he never knew he had. 

He was thinking about the previoys night- their night, snuggled up in the cave making love. She had been...amazing, out of this world. He grimaced at how clichéd that sounded, but that’s how he felt. He knew it wasn’t just a physical thing, it ran much deeper than that. He was crazy in love, his heart racing fast, faster than any race he'd ever raced in his life. He wanted to do something for her, to express his love for her but had no idea what. He would have to ask someone for advice. He had never needed anyone's help before, after all he was the greatest racer; but even he had to admit defeat when thrown at love's finish line. He couldn’t ask Ionia of course, it would have to be another female. But the only other female he could think of was Officer Wood, and he shuddered at the mere thought. She'd no doubt laugh at him. It was tough; he'd just have to suck it up and sacrifice that pride of his in the name of love. He left and headed straight for the GCS. Ionia, who up until that point had been in a bit of a trance and spewing incomprehensible mumblings while petting the snail like a puppy, suddenly became aware of a rustling nearby and turned around.

'Turbutt, is that you?' She called out happily, walking over to where he had been. 'Hey, where are you? Turbutt. Hey. TURBUTT.'

Blanky was sitting in the green room, which was where Birkin kept his plants. She was being vigilant as had been her duty, a little too vigilant perhaps. She was listening to relaxing music on her mp80 player and holding an apple, as red and luscious as her lips.

'Ahem.' Turbo cleared his throat just then.

'Ack!' She had just been about to take a bite, but his sudden appearance made her throw the apple over her shoulder in shock.

'Whath the matter? Did I thcare Offither wood?' He said with a defiant grin.

'I'll say! You just made me drop my apple, you little shit,' she grumbled. 'What do you want, Turbo?' She stared at him doubtfully. He had been a pest since day one, goofing around and being a cheeky little devil, which made her wary of him.

'I wanted to athk...' he felt really uncomfortable. 'Uh, I....need your help.'

'You need my help?' A somewhat amused expression played upon her face and she lowered her defences.

'Yeah. Ith kind of embarathing but...I need your advithe about romanthe. '

'Advice about romance, huh?' She softened. 'Hmm. Well I'm not really the right person to ask, knowing my lack of experience...' She was half right. She hadn't really experienced love the old fashioned way. There was William, but...it was different. Besides, she was just going on her feelings for him, neither had made a move yet.

'Well...' she said, pondering for a while. 'Gifts are always nice. Doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive, just something to show how much you care for her. Something that will make her happy. What does Ionia like?'

Turbo thought for a while but couldn't think of anything. He gave her a defeated look.

'Seriously? After all this time, you don’t know what your girl likes?'

'Give me a break, offither! Thith ith all new to me. I’m a rather, not a romantic fool.'

'Think again.'

Turbo thought again and remembered her gushing over a snail just before. 'Well, the liketh thnailth,' he said at last.

'Snails! Thats excellent!' the officer clapped her hands suddenly.

He was a little taken aback by that. 'What are you thuggehting, that i get her a thnail farm?'

'Something like that, ' she nodded. Before telling him her plan, she got up to make herself a soya shake.  The heat was driving her crazy. 'Just making myself a shake. Want one?'

'Thure, why not.'

'Here you go', she came back and handed him his shake. He took a cautious sip, eyeing the beverage doubtfully.

'Eugh!' he spat it out.

'Stop complaining. You should see the stuff I get served in Horrorland. Monster punches and the like...yeesh! But I digress. Now listen: you will go out and collect as many snails as you possibly can, and bring them back to me. I'll keep them here in this empty tank, ' she indicated an empty rectangular fish tank. 

'Right, ' he looked at her with a confused face. 'Then what?'

'You'll see. Just do what I said for now, no questions.'

'Uh, ok.' He shrugged and went off to do as she had asked.  He was confused to say the least and wondered if asking her for help was a good idea. This all sounded crazy to him. It hadn't been as bad as hed thought though, she hadn't laughed at hum. As soon as he was gone, Blanky grinned to herself. She thought it somewhat cute, and she had another part to her plan, which she wasnt going to reveal to him until the last minute. He would no doubt protest and refuse to carry it out. She wanted to humiliate him a little for the many times he'd cheeked her.

Birkin, who up until then had been working in his lab, came out and noticed Turbo leaving.
'What was that all about, what was Turbo doing here?' He asked.
'Uh....snooping. Trying to steal your plants. But don't worry, I boxed his ears and sent him on his way. He wont be bothering your plants again. ' She didnt really want to reveal she was helping the racer, choosing to protect his dignity.

An hour later, Ionia stood outside the lab. She seemed to be looking for something and had a dazed look about her, which made her even more cute than she already was. 'Hey, beauty! Whats up?' Blanky called out to her friend.

'Uh...nothing..' Ionia stammered shyly. 'Have you seen Turbutt? I havent seen him all day.'

'Cant say I have, why?' The officer shrugged.

'I'm getting the feeling he's avoiding me...maybe he doesnt..like me anymore?'

'Ah, thats rubbish! Of course he does. Why, hes crazy about you!'

'So why does he keep avoiding me?'

'Well, you know males, they are simple creatures and usually not very bright. But dont worry Ionia, your Turbutt will be back before you can say Turbutt.' Blanky smiled. Just then, as if on cue, Turbo appeared. 

'Turbutt!' She cried out, a huge smile on her face. So great was her happiness that she began to buttdance next to him. 

'Uh, thweetfathe...I gotta go thomeplathe.'

'Turbutt?' She looked at him surprised. 

'Yeah. Uh...and dont even think about following me!' He dashed off before her dancing hips could react. If only she knew, he thought to himself.. He'd been cruel, avoiding her all day and now snapping at her like an angry crocodile, but he wasnt going to ruin the surprise. 

'See, what did I tell you? He's 'crazy' about you,' Blanky reiterated,  seeing Ionia's defeated look. 

'You think so?'

'I know so. Chin up, beautiful,' she said encouragingly, lifting up Ionia's chin as if she were a child who needed reassurance.

 Ionia had drifted off into her own thoughts, oblivious to everything around her. She was feeling rather perplexed at Turbutt's strange behaviour. She thought they'd had such a wonderful time together the night before, making violent, passionate love. It had been the best time, of her whole existence. She still had feelings convulsing around in her tummy just thinking about it, causing her to glitch. Turbo had enjoyed it too, he'd made that obvious- 'I think I'm thtarting to really like you,' had been his words. Now he was behaving as if he wanted nothing more to do with her. She loved him so much, more than anything else, but she couldnt help feeling strange and doubtful. Had he meant anything of what he'd said? Was this what life was all about? It was so confusing, especially having to get accustomed to these emotions, so different from hers. But then, those two were very different-she was a bot, he was a sprite-type creature. Perhaps.....they weren't compatible after all....?

The End

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