Apocalypse: InternetMature

    It's late. It is very late in fact. I push my spectacles to the top of my head so I can rub the sleep out of my eyes. Looking up, my monitor is a glowing ember of fuzzy white nothing. Dropping my spec's back down onto my nose everything comes back into focus but the only thing I am aware of are the numbers '4:23AM' down near the system tray. "Shit it's late. Fuck! I missed 4:20 as well." I say aloud while fighting waves of drowsiness. My head slips down for a brief second before I automatically snap back up. 'OK, I will only allow myself 5 more stumble upon clicks before retiring my head to the pillow.' Stumbling across some moar lolcats a strong sense of primordial déjà vu overtakes me. Has mankind always been like this? Desultorily stumbling for anything to spark ideas or entertainment? This sort of thinking only reaffirms my need for sleep… I guess I'll just stumble one more time.

    Clicking once again the little green and blue icon I'm taken to a page that shatters that aforementioned déjà vu feeling. Never has a page like this come up across my years of stumbling the internet. There is no background image or color. There is no text or ads informing me I just won a free laptop. The website looks like an image from the thick and luscious jungles of the Philippines. However, looks and is are two entirely different subjects. I can see people, natives, walking across rope bridges in nothing but loin cloths. Carrying spears twice as tall themselves, their faces filled with purpose, they march through the jungle. Women carrying babies in papooses fill up clay jars with water, while the older children stare with a melancholy look at their fathers working. "This is an amazing website!" I exclaim as my hand moves the mouse to give this little gem a "thumbs-up". Only then do I realize my hand is not holding a mouse. In fact, my ass which was firmly planted in a pseudo-leather computer chair moments ago is now sitting on a fallen log crawling with centipedes and other ghastly creatures I can not even identify. "Far out." are the only two words I can muster. As I make my way along what appears to be an animal trodden path a young boy of about 13 approaches me with a sharpened spear held firmly in his hands. "What's shakin little dude?" I put out my hand to offer him my machine-like Texan handshake. He stares at me for a moment, looks down at my hand. His eyes turn from passive to untamed like a lolcat gone bad. His spear comes within a few inches of my throat and I realize any sudden movement in this situation will surely test my faith in an afterlife. I don't move a fucking muscle. His tension eases. He lowers his spear with one hand to chest-height while pointing down a fork in the jungle path. Inching around his deathly sharp hunting spear I start down the path.


He is behind me and I can feel that god damned spear like a glowing ember a half foot away from the small of my back. One slip, by him or me, would be some seriously fucking bad news. All of this considered I start to examine my surroundings. I'm sweating profusely and this seems to only attract more bugs to my face and neck. Trees, all different kinds, bright green and towering above me, form a canopy that blocks out the sunlight but not the heat. "Where the hell am I and how in the fuck did I get here?" are irrelevant questions at this point. What is important now is survival. Contemplating performing a barrel roll to escape the proximity of the spear and take down this little indigenous piece of shit is an idea I'm toying with now. Only, I see something that leaves me utterly awe-struck. A huge temple, the likes of which would give Indiana Jones himself nightmares and weeks of excursion is staring back down at me from atop a set back hill. I know this is our destination and that something of great significance lies behind those ancient walls. So I continue on peacefully down the trail.

    Arriving at the base of the temple I am greeted by row after row of Mayan-like stairs. Roots covered in dirt, mud and moss are everywhere and appear to be flowing out of the temple down into the jungle. I get a tad closer to examine them and see a patch of blue coloring underneath some mud. Brushing it away my hand automatically recoils like I had just foolishly grabbed a searing piece of bacon before it cooled. Wires. Mother fucking wires. RJ-45 cable, Cat5, Ethernet, that blue wire your retarded Uncle Bill always trips over that knocks you off Xbox Live. Whatever you want to call the damn thing it doesn't assuage the fact that somewhere in the middle of a jungle is a nest of Ethernet cable flowing from a hidden temple. Leaving the boy behind with my ability to leap up these stairs in long strides, I arrive at a stone door, heaving for air and holding my side I push the door forward and I walk down an LED lit runway. Finally seeing a corridor to walk into, I start to speed up my pace only to stop and hit the deck as two natives dressed in elaborate garb walk past. I get up, with no time to brush the dust and dirt off my body, I make my way into the heart of the temple.


The End

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