I leaned back slightly, my whole body trembling "which way to go?" over the edge or back from the brink.  Death or life? sometimes the same.  I lit a cigarette and puffed away inhaling the burning, reeking smoke, trying hard to stop myself reeling from the head rush.   I loved her wth every fibre of my being, but did she feel, could she ever feel the same toward me.  Every answer became a question, every question weighed down more and more, pulling me forward to the dark precipice i wanted; in some deep recess of my soul; to walk away from.

My mind wandered through endless scenario's, dreams and delusions.  Then the decision was made, almost unconciously, i tossed away the cigarette end, turned and descended.  Back down to earth, back to the here and now, to life, to who knew where.  I gunned the engine and took off, on my mission even if it ended in failure i wanted, no, i needed  to know, the what if, the future, opened up before me. 

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