And There She Was - A Lesson learned

One of the very first stories I ever wrote, maybe 5 years ago now. Heavily edited since then of course but still one of my favourites. very funny in my opinion.

Alone at last, away from her stadium sized audience of giggling and protective girls that is forever surrounding her.  Her...


Hang on... I haven't told you the story yet.  I haven't even started.  Err... sorry about that.  I'll rewind a bit.  Right, the day before.  I was sitting on a ramp eating my lunch when my best friend, Jason came strolling across the courtyard grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.

"Hey mate, what's the grin for?" I asked as he sat down next to me and peering into his lunchbox still grinning, he pulled out a sandwich.

"I got a smile from Rose in period 2," He beamed at me and took a bite of his sandwich.

"Ahh, that explains the grin you could drive a bus through." I chortled.


Rose is Rachael's best friend, and Rachael is the one I described in the start of the story.  Rose is pretty and kind, most unlike Rachael who is selfish and bossy but very, very beautiful.  But I really like her and you have to make sacrifices sometimes, so I guess I could live with that.  I might even be able to change her, that is, if she goes out with me of course.

"Well, you know what we should do?  It's Valentines Day tomorrow.  We should ask them out.  But not straight up, because it might scare them.  What do you think?  Just, talk for a bit, and, uhh, ask them to hang out sometime or whatever, I dunno, we'll improvise."  I suggested as I stared at my apple, hoping the flesh would grow back.

"Yeah! Why not?" He took a bite of his sandwich and smiled at me.  We raised our drink bottles and knocked them together.

"To love, and if it fails, we get our pride and respect sucked out of us if we get it wrong!"  I toasted us and threw my apple core into the bin.

Just then Rose, "Queen" Rachael and her army of green jerseys and white T-shirts, brushed past.  They were Rachael's group of ‘friends'.  Rachael didn't even look at me at all; she just stuck her nose in the air as if trying to balance it on her face in case it fell off.  But Rose smiled at Jason and waved.

"Lucky bugger!"  I muttered under my breath.

For the rest of lunch we talked about life in general (what it would be like to have girlfriends) and the latest range of Cessna aircraft, until the bell rang for our next class.

"Seeya' mate!"  He shouted from the other side of the courtyard.

"Keep your fingers crossed!"  I shouted while walking backwards.

"And your ass clenched!"  He yelled back at me.

I laughed all the way back to our next class.


The next day I came to school and saw people kissing all around me.  It was depressing to see so many happy couples and then there was me, lonely and unwanted.  But I live with it.  Love has never been my friend, ever.  My heart has so many holes it must resemble something of a cheese grater.  But what do you expect?  That's love, it's the same for everybody.  At least, I think so anyway.

Jason and I met later that day, hiding under a tree from the blistering sun and from all the pashing and passion going on everywhere.

"Have you seen any of the "Band of Sisters" yet?"  I asked as we each took out a packet of crisps and opened them with a pop.  The "Band of Sisters" is what we called the group of girls and their leader, Madam Rachael "Stalin".

"Yeah, I saw most of the girls either snogging some guy, or crying their eyes out in a corner somewhere,"  Jason opened up his sandwich, screwed up his face and put it back in his lunchbox.

I choked out a laugh, "Poor buggers!"

A minute later he nudged me and pointed at the area between C and D block classrooms and the canteen.


And there she was... Alone at last, away from her mighty group of bobbing heads and skinny arms.  Her hair, light-brown with blond highlights was swaying lightly in the breeze.  Her eyes were as blue and beautiful as sapphires.  Her smile... oh, her smile was hypnotising, well, that is when she did smile.  It was like Zeus was bored on a Sunday morning and decided to create Aphrodite a daughter.  Rose was quite pretty too, but Jason liked her more than I did.

"Come on then, let's get this over with,"  I said to him after swallowing the last of my sandwich.

We stumbled up, brushed the dirt and leaves off our bums and strolled over to them.


"Hey!"  I called out.

"Hi guys,"  Rose said calmly and began walking quickly towards us.  Rachael said nothing and looked up with her nose in the air.

"She's so pompous and arrogant and yet so beautiful, but I think I can deal with her,"  I thought to myself.

"Hey Rose,"  Jason answered nervously.  He looked really uncomfortable, I thought he was going to faint.

"Umm... How'ya doin'? Uhh, we were wondering... you know, it's Valentines Day... and umm... well... would you... well, would you like to hang out with us some time? Maybe..."  I stuttered out.

Rachael moved her head down and caught my eyes.  Her smile had faded (It's the first time she had stopped smiling today since she made that first year student run off crying this morning).  She stood an inch away from my face; I thought she was going to kiss me.

And then she did something I did not expect at all.  She slapped me.  Right across the cheek, so hard I felt my teeth vibrate.  It stung my cheek as though I'd swallowed a wasp.  She stormed off with her nose in the air.  I could swear I saw steam spraying out of her nostrils.

In a fit of rage, pain and sarcasm I shouted back to her.  "The Queen has spoken!  All shall appraise her words!  Bow down and salute the almighty powerful Love Demon!  For she has a weapon that will destroy all humanity's dignity!  It is called... a mouth!  Maybe you should use it once in a while!  Otherwise it gets RUSTY!!!"  I yelled at Rachael, who growled like a raging bull.  Even though I was in pain, I could still think of witty comebacks.

 To my surprise Rose didn't slap Jason like Rachael just did.  She just stared at me sympathetically, gave a little giggle and smiled.

Then she turned to Jason.  I hoped to God she wouldn't slap him too, but I wasn't worried.  Rose is just about the complete opposite of Rachael, I find it really difficult to understand what Rose likes in Rachael to keep being her friend.  Slapping Jason, or anyone for that matter, was just something she couldn't and wouldn't ever do.

And then she said something both Jason and I didn't expect.  She leaned in close to him.

"Are you doing anything Saturday?"  She whispered to Jason, quickly throwing glances at the corner that Rachael just went stormed around.

"Umm, not as far as I know, uhh, are you doing anything?"  he whispered back grinning like the Cheshire cat once again.

"Nope, do you want to maybe hang around town, or go to a movie or something?"  She asked, shyly.

"Yeah, I'd like that."  He replied.  I could really tell in his expression he wanted to kiss her.  And, looking at Rose, I think she felt the same.

She smiled and took his hand and squeezed it gently.  There was now a small scrap of paper in his hand.  "Awesome, there's my number.  I'm sorry but I gotta go.  Rachael will be wondering where her servant is.  I don't think I'll be friends with her much longer.  But, I'll talk to you later ok?  Call me if you want."


She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek then smiled.  She said bye to me and waved at Jason just as she disappeared from sight following Rachael.

"OH NO! HE'S DONE IT AGAIN! YOU DIRTY LUCKY SOD! HELP! I'VE BEEN REJECTED FROM HELL BY SATAN HERSELF!"  I was in tears of laughter as I clipped him round the ear and tried my best to control my laughing.


‘Well, a lesson learned,'  I thought to myself.  ‘Do not get attracted to girls who think they are God's gift to men.  Know my place!'


And there she wasn't...

The End

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