I stand there, gripping the wooden bat. Everyone is watching. The sun's heat tires me. All I want to do is sit down, but I must stand. I wait.

Then it comes flying at me, too fast for thoughts or consideration, and I swing, hoping to hear that hollow sound as the ball hits the wood - but I don't. The bat swings clumsily through the air, and I hear the groans of the people lined up behind me. But it's not over yet - I have to run. I've already hesitated a moment too long and they're shouting at me now.

So I run, but my legs stumble and trip as if they don't understand what I'm asking them to do, and however hard I try, I can't make myself go any faster. I reach the first base and slow down, attempting to judge how long it will be before they get the ball to the second one. But I'm too late again and they're shouting. I mean, really getting angry. Around the world, there are wars raging, people dying, tragedies happening, but the most important thing in the little world of a PE lesson is whether you can run a short distance before someone manages to hit a pole with a ball. You'd think I was doing something really terrible to them all, like smashing up all their stuff, or hitting them with the bat instead of the ball. But all I was doing was being too slow. And they didn't like it.

"YOU'RE OUT!"

It is shouted proudly at me, but is almost like an accusation. You can't play this game well! They've stopped me in my tracks from reaching their precious base. And I should be ashamed, is the message I get from the moaning of my own team. I have let them all down. I go back and sit on the grass, glad to no longer have any part in the game. But I'm informed that it's "Out but In", so even though I failed it, I still have to do it again, a rule that renders the idea of being "out" and all the glory it brings the other team to get you "out", totally meaningless. Then again, that's no different from the rest of this pointless sport.

I hate rounders.

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