A New Release (Jason)

*1 Week Ago*
 Lily's Funeral

Lest we forget,
The horrors of that day,
That day in May,
That day started bright,
All sunny and light,
Before the earth crumbled,
The air rumbled,
All to leave us so grieving,
A light soul,
Once whole,
Felt the toll,
Of the horrors of that day,
That day in May

The words of the poem echoed out across the sea of gathered family and friends. They were all grieving for the loss of a bubbly girl, one with a lot to live for. That hadn't happened though. She had lost her battle. The poem left a un-comfortable silence in the air, none had expected what Jason had said, they didn't think he had the words in him to say it. After her family, he had been hit the hardest by the tragedy; you cannot be friends for seven years and not feel the loss of a loved one. The crowd watched as silently, a heartbroken Jason Sanchez walked back to his seat before turning and watching as his best friend and love of his life was lowered into the ground.


June 16th 2008

In the days and weeks following Lilly's death, Jason had begun writing. At any given point it could be anything from poetry to short stories. Usually they were about anything that came to mind at the time. Writing had become his release, it was his way to escape his world and enter somebody else's life, even if it was just for a couple of hours at a time. It made life easier for him; time seemed to pass differently when he was writing. He didn't have to remember the tragedy that had recently occurred. He could just let go.

Jason looked down at the table before him. Scattered all across it was scrunched up balls of paper that were filled with his lopsided handwriting, ideas that he was unhappy with. Ideas that were going nowhere or not good enough to be shared- Jason looked down at the three un-crumpled pages that lay upon his desk. He allowed himself a slight smile as he looked down at them, now these were three treasures that he was proud to call his own. He picked up the first one and silently read to himself:

He walked alone on these streets that he called home, the only streets that he’d ever known. Or at least, they had been. Nobody could ever see the torture, of course they couldn’t. It was never external damage, always internal. Nobody could ever see the sadness of the small boy that roamed the streets alone. Nobody would ever notice that one day, he would just vanish, disappearing into the darkest corners of somebodies memory.

Maybe one day they’ll discover the trauma of this child- the child that was frowned upon for being different. Different in the way that he didn’t sit down and take societies lies. Different because he chose to do what he thought was right, not letting the higher power have it all its own way.

The ways of the world tormented him. Why must wars be fought, if not for the greater good? Why do people commit suicide when they have so much to live for? Simple questions that raced through his mind, slowly driving him insane until he himself, could not take the pain anymore. He too, took his own life. Nobody noticed, nobody had ever noticed that small boy on the streets that they called home.

The lonely boy who walked alone on
The streets he called home, the only
Ones he’d ever known, was gone….

Most say that that in the end, the small boy finally got the freedom he had so desired whilst he was alive. They say that in death he could finally do what he could never could in life. The lonely boy could finally look down and see the beauty of time as it slowly lapses. New age after new age could finally be seen by this boy as he watched, with a slight smile upon his lips. He could finally appreciate the changing of the seasons, or the extravagant beauty of a solar eclipse. They say that whilst time still flows, the once lonely boy can now marvel at the magnificence of the world. He can sit, basking in its seemingly eternal bliss.

The lonely boy we once saw,
Can now see the beauty,
Of the world,

You and me, we laugh and cheer,
Finally, happiness,
For the boy we’ve come to hold so dear.

Jason smiled as he put the first piece of paper down. It was ironic really, how the small boy he had portrayed had had no name. It showed how most people really didn't care about anyone unless they were famous or dead. "What will I be known in the future?" He asked himself "Idiotic, foolish perhaps?" he wandered. Still smiling, he picked up the second piece of writing and once more began to read:

I dream of a Castle with its own moat,
It'll have animals galore, and maybe even a few goats,
I just want to be able to keep my future princess afloat,

I wish for the day that I'll meet that girl,
Preferably soon, as my last girlfriend made me want to hurl,
And in that ball I'll no longer have to hide and curl,
I dream that we'll have a child, or two, or maybe even three,
We'll spoil them rotten with a house in a tree,

I wish to be able to read my children stories of love,
Of heartbreak, triumph and all that comes between,
Their hearts will race as the characters face fear,
But in the end they will be able to cheer,
As the character by the end can laugh over it with a beer,

I dream of a life like this,
Where nothing is seemingly amiss,
There will be no fear of going into the abyss,

I wish of future that is nothing like my past,
After all, I want my life to last,
Hopefully together, we'll manage to hold fast,

I dream that I will be remembered for the life that I lived,
Not all the drugs that as youngsters we took,
I don't to be frowned upon,
I don't want to be the king without his rook,

I wish to be inspired by all,
I wish to have a dream like Martin Luther King,
I wish to have a brain like Albert Einstein,
I wish to be inspired, even if just by few,

In the end I dream the most,
That I'll be able to live my life,
In harmony and not in strife,
Is this so wrong?
After all, we all belong,
And all I want to do is live long

This had been Jason's first foray into the world that was poetry. He felt it had gone well, at least for a first attempt. Still smiling, Jason picked up the third piece and continued to read:

I never believed in love at first sight. I never believed in the idea that a single look, a single moment in which you share eye contact with one person can initiate love. I never believed that a single moment is all it takes for true love to blossom. How can it possibly be that quick? As a young boy I never wanted to be tied down by the family pet, never mind a significant other.

That was until I met you and I fell, fell really hard. I guess it all happened the moment I laid eyes on you. All it took was one look and it felt as if all my dreams were beginning to come. It's contradictory I know, but the moment we made eye contact I was yours, always. I was taken aback by the true magnificence of the being that was standing before me. To answer my own question, I have no idea how it can be so quick but when it happens there is nothing you can do about it.

Love at first sight never appealed to me, It has never been an option. Would you want to entangle your hand in someone else's, even though you have barely known them a couple of months? Would you want to touch your lips to theirs, feeling your skin touch theirs? It never appealed to me, staring into the eyes of somebody that you barely know. Staring, touching, and loving.

There was indeed a time I didn't believe in love at first sight. But now it seems so right to me that anything else is simply an improbability. Falling in love doesn't take months, it takes mere moments for the eternal bliss that is love to begin to blossom. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I have ever had the pleasure to do. From the very first moment I was in love with your eyes, your smile and laughter, the way your dimples are so obvious when you laugh and literally everything there is about you. There are parts I'm cautious about, but I can deal with those problems. There so small it's like they don't even exist within you. To me, your imperfections make you even more beautiful.

A body so full of lust and love, that everything else seems to be little more than a blur to you. It all seems like nothing more than fantasy. Love at first sight doesn't appeal to me.

Love is indeed like fantasy. Improbable and almost un-believable, yet it is still there. It stands above all the greed, pain and lust that empower the world. It enables us to breathe and open our eyes so we can see the true beauty in the world

True love should be earned, not given on a silver platter. Love is the respect, passion, kindness, lust and so much more all rolled up into one single feeling that we know as love. Love should be trusted and respected, not given easily and freely.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm deeply in love with you. You'll never know it of course, it could never happen. Through all this, I love you anyway. I'll stand by you at your height and I'll graciously fall down with you when you’re at your lowest. You are my absolute everything. i just wish that you knew it.

Jason put the paper down and still smiling, turned to leave the room. Maybe one day, he'd share it with the world. If they wanted to read it at all that is. He was passionate to say the least. Maybe one day he'd be able to share his tale of heartbreak and loss with the world at large.

The End

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