ONE

The morning I got fired from my job, all eleven thick inches a my dick were hanging out a my pants.

But that's another story, and I ain't got room for it here. The most important thing now was rent: It was due. The other most important thing was my attitude: I didn't give a !!*@. And the other most important thing was beer: my liver hurt.

What does Bob Collins do in this type a situation—a situation when he's broke without no money, sober without no beer, and just been &##@ed by the man without no lube? Bob Collins either drinks beer until he can't see no more or he !^&#s whores.

In this case, the whorehouse was closer than the bar, so that's where I went.

TWO

Usually the whorehouse is crawling with activity, but when I got there the halls were empty. It was almost like walking through a graveyard at night, it was so quiet. Only it wasn't dark outside and the sun was out and blazing up in the sky and it couldn't a been much after one in the afternoon. Other than that, walking through there was just like walking through a graveyard at night. Since I didn't have nothing better to do, I went out on the porch to sulk—because that's just the kind a guy I am.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: Too bad for the guy with the huge cock. Boohoo, he don't get to @!&@ whenever he want. Well, I'll tell you what: I generally do get to %&$$ whenever I want because I run my life by one rule: You don't gotta like a $!%%^ to &!&& her. You only gotta pin her down.

So, there I was on the front porch a one a the most notorious whorehouses in Lakewood with no whores around. Since there wasn't no one around, I did what I always did when nothing went my way: I asked God to send me a whore.

Being one a His favored children, which you can tell by the huge size a my dick, God answered.

Somewhere inside the building a door opened. I heard the squeak a the hinge and the slam a the door and the click a the plunger, and it was like I was hearing a miracle right before my eyes.

I got up from the porch and turned around expecting some sweet thing to fall right into my arms. Standing on those front steps, slobbering all over myself like a retarded baboon without no bottom lip, I was curious about what kind a whore God sent me, more curious than a retarded baboon without no bottom lip. In my mind I could almost see a young blond, new to the whoring world, with fresh, unblemished skin, taut legs, and melon-like boobs. Instead a some hot young thing a big brown beast—bigger than a bear—come running through the door. I got a chance to see the dark brown eyes staring at me like I was a piece a meat; then the next thing I knew his huge paw came screaming down out a the air like a kamikaze, hitting me right across the chin. After that, the sky was very blue, bright circles danced in front a me, and I remember a lot a clouds. Something about falling—I remember feeling like I was falling down some deep hole and the blue sky being sucked up by black clouds, and then I don't remember nothing.

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