If it was possible for a ghost to smile sadly, he would have been doing so. Connor had his head gently cocked to one side as he stared at the girl he loved. Bonnie was still standing outside Connor’s house, but not alone now. Connor’s mother, Lilia, and his father, David, had joined her. Lilia's arms wrapped protectively around her husband, and she felt David's reassuring hand on the small of her back.
Connor looked at them all, a small grin upon his face. His parents weren’t fighting. It worked, Connor thought to himself; he had thought that when, or even if, he committed suicide that it would bring them closer together. But he didn’t do it just for them. His dark eyes fell back onto Bonnie as she watched the ambulance with his body drive off.
No sirens could be heard. Bonnie started to openly weep again as it turned the corner. She sat down on the curb of the pavement and brought her knees up to her chest, holding them tight in an embrace.
“Bonnie, I know you didn’t love me and it was so hard!” Connor tried to say, he opened his mouth, but no words came out. So he sat down beside her, wishing she knew he was there.
“Bonnie, I think you should go home now.” David said, patting her gently on the shoulder. Nodding, Bonnie wiped her red rimmed eyes with her sleeve and stood. Not speaking a word, she ran.
Ignoring the stares and whispers of the neighbours as they came out of their houses, Bonnie sprinted all the way home. As she ran the harsh wind whipped about her face, drying the rest of her tears.
He’s dead, he loved me, and he’s dead, Bonnie kept thinking to herself. How could she let this happen? Why now? Why today? She would never know.
Hearing his little sister come home, Ben called Bonnie from their kitchen: “Bon, dinner’s almost ready!”
He didn’t turn around, until she sniffed loudly. Bonnie stood in the doorway, her arms folded, and her eyes red and bloodshot. Upon seeing her, Ben immediately embraced his sister in a warm bear hug.
Connor watched the scene of an upset young girl, holding on to her brother and sobbing into his green shirt. Maybe she did love him... Connor pondered this thought quickly, not taking his eyes of the two. But she couldn’t have done... could she? Regret filled Connor’s ghostly body and he took a sharp intake of breath. Eventually, Ben and Bonnie pulled away.
“Connor’s dead...” Ben once again took Bonnie in his strong arms.
“Shh, shh, it’s going to be alright,” He pressed his lips to his sister’s head and kissed her gently, comforting her. “Would you like to talk about it?” She pulled away again and looked into his eyes, the eyes which are so much like hers.
Bonnie didn’t know what to do, what to say. Unsurely, she nodded.
“Okay then, come over here,” Ben dragged his sister by her arm until they were sitting on the sofa. He sat down heavily and waited for Bonnie to join him. She did and began to feel much more relaxed.
“I went round, a-and I... I could tell his mum and dad had been fighting again... I went up to his room... He was just lying there! In a pool of his own blood, it was so horrible,” She buried her face into his chest and he rubbed circles on her back.
“I didn’t know what to do... He said he wouldn’t do anything like this, he promised... I didn’t want it to be real... it was like when Mum and Dad died... remember? We thought it was all some sick joke... but it wasn’t,” Bonnie’s blue eyes shone like sapphires as she spoke so innocently.
Connor sat on the armchair, at a 90degree angle from the sofa. He leant his head on his arm and watched this bonding moment between siblings, wishing he had had a someone, anyone, to love him like that.
“Hey, Bon,” Ben said quietly, “its okay to cry and I’m always here for you. You know that right?” She nodded once, the tears have stopped by that point, she was all cried out.
“I think... I think I just want to be alone right now,” Bonnie said with her eyes wandering, and for a moment they passed over the place where Connor was. She got up and Ben gave her a sympathetic look as he made his way back to the kitchen.
Bonnie sluggishly climbed the stairs one at a time. What to do now? She walked almost in a dream-like trance and lied down on her bed. She knew the tears wouldn’t come, but as she lay there, she wished Connor could hear her.
“Connor, I don’t know if you’re there,” she said, and Connor listened intently, “but why did you do this? I told you I could help you through anything... oh my gosh the message...” Suddenly Bonnie remembered the voicemail left by Connor, send seconds before his death. “You did this, because of me, didn’t you?” No answer could be heard, yet the aforementioned boy was shouting at her, trying to make her listen.
“Of course not, Bonnie! This is no way your fault!” He quietened as she continued.
“It was my fault. You loved me... you loved me, Connor. I... I can’t even think why...”
“Because you are so beautiful, funny, clever, and so kind. There is no one as amazing as you, Bonnie. You looked past my bad qualities, you found the good person inside of me. You were the one who stopped me self-harming, the one who was always there, the one I could always rely on. And I am so grateful for that... I love you, Bonnie.” She looked up at his reply, though he knew she couldn’t have possibly heard any of that.
“I love you too, Connor.”
And all of a sudden, Connor’s world came crashing down around him, so much harder than it ever did before.No, no, she couldn’t!he thought helplessly to himself.She couldn’t!
“I really, really do.” She held back tears, “not just as a friend.” Bonnie whispered to the air.
She loved him, and he hadn’t a clue. Not once did she attempt to even flirt with him, there was no evidence to back up how she said she felt. Why would she keep it from him? Connor always thought it was so blatantly obvious how he adored her... As if answering his question, Bonnie spoke, her voice shaky:
“I had to hide it from you, Connor, you were always so fragile. I didn’t want you to change. I love you just the way you are... just the way you were...”