Bonnie, sitting at her desk, pulled out the pink earphones paused the blaring music on her old iPod. Seeing her cheap phone flashing slightly on her dresser, she padded across the carpeted floor and saw who had left a voicemail. “Oh, Conner,” she grinned then sighed a little to herself. Flipping the phone open, she dialled for voicemail and listened to his message, hoping she hadn’t missed anything good.
“Hey, Bonnie, it’s me. Just wanted to say that, well, I love you. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and the reason that I haven’t told you this before is that I know you don’t feel the same way... and well, I was scared. Just thought you ought to know... Bye, Bonnie.” Bonnie froze. She could hear something wasn’t right. His voice quavered and she could almost hear the tears as they rolled down his cheeks when he spoke.
“Oh, Connor,” Bonnie gasped suddenly, remembering how fragile he could get. Putting her thoughts on what he had said at the back of her mind, she was now solely focused on making sure he was alright. She grabbed her coat and shoved on her trainers, while shouting a farewell to her brother.
Ben and Bonnie’s parents had died some years ago, when some crazy guy had gone on a shooting spree at a mall. Luckily, she and Ben hadn’t been there, and somehow, she was almost grateful. With her parents, there was always yelling, always screaming. Now with Ben, he was always so calm and it was clear they cared for each other very much. He bellowed a goodbye to her in his low voice from the kitchen as she slammed her front door behind herself.
Jogging to Connor’s house took less time than Bonnie thought it would. Estimating at around seven minutes, she had been there in less than five.
Bonnie knocked on the front door heavily several times, wishing Connor would just open it. But he didn’t. Connor’s mother stood in the doorway, a frown upon her face and eyes as red as a sunset.
“Hello Bonnie. I assume you’re here to see Connor? He’s right upstairs, I think...” Suddenly occurring to Connor’s mother that she hadn’t seen her only child since that morning, she wasn’t sure where he was. Bonnie pushed past her as gently as she could then ran up the stairs.
“Connor! You there?” Knocking on his door lightly, she turned the handle and stepped in. The stench of blood reached her nostrils quickly and she crinkled her nose. The punk-rock bands stared emotionlessly out from the posters on the dark teal walls. Bonnie knew those posters where covering rotting, cracking paint and she almost grinned at Connor’s efforts to hide them. The creaky single bed in the middle of the room took up most of the space, seeing as the room was the smallest in the old house. Being the smallest also meant not much light could get in, so it was always a little dingy. Bonnie looked around his room.
She tried to refrain from screaming.
Connor was lying on his bed, face upwards and his glazy eyes staring emotionless at the ceiling. Blood was everywhere. Immediately Bonnie’s eyes found the knife in his hand he had used to slice his wrist open and trying to ignore the blood, she took big steps until reaching his bedside. Holding his shoulders, Bonnie attempted to shake him awake.
This is all a trick, she kept thinking, no way would Connor do this... But he had. Bonnie had known about his previous self-harming, though that was in the past, she thought there was no way he would ever do it again. Bonnie had made him promise...
“Now, listen to me, Connor. You must noteverdo anything like this again, okay? I understand that things are bad for you, but this won’t solveanything.It won’t solve your parents fighting, and it won’t solve your loneliness...” her voice turned softer then, “Surely someone as great as you would know that? Don’t look at me like that,” Bonnie said, waggling a finger in his direction, “you are great.” He gave her a watery smile as they sat on the park bench.
Bonnie had found him there in the dark, alone. When asked what he had been doing there, he had shrugged and mumbled something about his parents fighting again. Sitting down next to him, and giving him a cuddle, Connor had confessed all as tears of sorrow fell quickly down his face in the deserted park.
“Thanks, Bonnie. You’re great too,” Connor said quietly, and he smiled a little. Bonnie beamed.
“Promise me you won’t do anything like that again, Connor. I worry about you,” she held up her little finger and he intertwined hers with his own.
“Promise,” he said, looking into her eyes. They meandered home together after a while of talking on that park bench, and occasionally Connor would look at Bonnie, and see the person who had just confirmed his feelings.
Though Connor thought he loved her, he couldn’t be sure, but those moments when the streetlights lit up her angelic face was all he needed to see to be sure. He adored her with all his heart... and she had no idea.
Connor said confidently this time: “Thank you again, Bonnie,” as they arrived at his house. Worrying about him, Bonnie had offered to take him home, which he gratefully accepted. She shook her head and grinned.
“Don’t thank me, Connor. I’m just being your friend,” winking at him, she turned and started walking. Connor dashed up into his room and stared out the window.
Bonnie was in the light of a streetlight and she was so beautiful, even though she had his back to him. Her hips swayed as she stepped cautiously along the pavement and Connor smiled. Feeling the eyes in the back of her head, Bonnie turned her head to see him watching her in the corner of her eye. Still facing the way she was going, she lifted a hand to let Connor know she acknowledged him. His smile grew. Gorgeous blonde hair was flicked over her shoulder and it caught the dim glow but reflected it so radiantly.
He watched her until she was out of sight in the darkness, loving her more everytime she took a step. Connor found it hard to find any faults with her at all. She was perfect, and she was his best friend. From then on, he could tell her anything, and her him.
That was a year ago. Where did that trust go?
Bonnie was screaming before she was sobbing. Hastily stepping away from his assumingly dead body, she yelled for his parents, for her parents, for an ambulance, for anyone. Connor’s parents got there first.
“Bonnie? What is it?” Connor’s mother was cut short by the sight of her son lying in what she guessed was his own blood. Then she, too, started shrieking. Wrapping his arms tight around his wife, Connor’s father continued to stare at the blood, obviously frightened.
“What happened, Bonnie? Tell me!” He bellowed at the teenage girl in front of him, who was now crying as she leant against the wall for support.
“I... I don’t know!” she managed to get out between sobs, “I just came up and there he was!”
Deciding not to scare the girl further, he quickly told her to call an ambulance. And though he knew it was too late, some part of him hoped they would be able to revive Connor.
Bonnie shakily got out her mobile she had brought in her pocket and dialled 999.
“Ambulance. My friend, I think... I think he’s killed himself,” fresh tears rolled down her smooth face and she ran a hand through her golden hair, screwing up her eyes. Collecting herself, Bonnie gave the address hastily and hung up after telling them to hurry.
“Why would he do this? He always seemed so happy!” Connor’s mother wept into her husband’s shirt and Bonnie knew they had been fighting only hours or maybe only minutes ago. Connor’s suicide made them closer, she noticed. Is that why he did it?
“Happy?” Bonnie interrupted, “You think Connor was happy? He was miserable! You two were fighting all the time, you never had any time for him, and you thought he was happy?” she screeched at them. They just stood there, shocked, thinking about what she had said.
“Oh my God!” Connor’s mother cried and her husband held her closer. It was at this point when the sirens began to wail in the distance
“I think you should go home now, Bonnie,” Connor’s father held back tears, keeping strong for his wife. Bonnie saw this, but refused to leave.
“I can’t go. He was my best friend, we told each other everything...” she trailed off. The older woman let go of her husband and turned to Bonnie.
“Told each other everything?!” she exclaimed, “Then why didn’t he tell you about this?!”
Both women broke down again into new floods of tears as the sirens got louder then were silenced.
“We need to let them in, love,” Connor’s father took a second to glace once more at his son before leaving the room to open the front door to four paramedics.
“I’m staying here, with my son,” Connor’s mother whispered, and she took a step closer to Connor.
The four paramedics climbed the stairs, carrying a gurney and medical supplies. They were prepared for the worst. The one woman paramedic nodded to the two other women in Connor’s room as another paramedic looked over him, she could sympathise. Having a cousin kill himself couldn’t be as worse as what this was for them, but she knew how her auntie and uncle had felt: devastated; angry; guilt. All those feelings were felt after someone killed themselves and nothing could stop it.
“No pulse. He’s gone.” Someone said from over near Connor. They had set the gurney down and were now attempting to move the body.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” The woman paramedic said to Connor’s mother and Bonnie, whom she assumed was his girlfriend, as the mother looked nothing like her. Not hearing any rushing around, Connor’s father had made his way sluggishly up the stairs again, fearing the worst.
As he came in, he was met by his wife and his deceased son’s best friend hugging him tightly. Soaking his shirt, he looked down at both of them.
His wife: she had meant so much to him, and still did. Their problems could easily be worked through, if they had had enough time and patience, and if they had seen what it was doing to their son. Yes, he still loved her with all his heart.
And his son’s best friend. He daren’t saydeadson, for it hadn’t truly sunken in yet, and saying it would mean it was true. This young girl, Bonnie, who was embracing him, knew so much more about his own son than he did. How could he have let this happen? He knew teenagers shared little with their parents, but something as big as this? Why hadn’t he at least said something?
Finally tears spilled from his eyes and he pressed his lips to his wife’s black hair, breathing her in. Stepping yet keeping a firm hold on both women, he moved them out the doorway, so the gurney, now carrying the lifeless body of Connor, could get out. As it passed, he took one last look at his son.
Connor’s mouth was still agape and the smell of blood wafted around everyone’s nostrils. His pale skin let everyone know he had bled to death; the dried scarlet around his wrist was also a dead giveaway. His body was hollow now, no beating heart to love with, no working lungs to breathe with, all that had been drained with the liquid.
The only thing letting them know he had been once alive, were his eyes. They stared out into space, so unfocused, yet so determined. Determined to die.
Connor had wanted to die so badly, all that was right in his life, he found so many faults with. Not even with Bonnie, he didn’t have a moment’s happiness. For knowing that she didn’t love him made it all the worse that he loved her.
Bonnie ran outside, needing the feel of the cool breeze to flow through her hair and dry her tears. She breathed in deep and exhaled quickly, she mustn’t cry again. There wasn’t anything she could do now.
Connor was dead and as his freezing body travelled morosely passed her. Connor’s best friend leant out to stroke his tear-stained cheek as the sun shone down on both of them. Bonnie felt how cold he was, and just wanted to hold Connor in her arms once more. Why couldn’t he have allowed her that?
Why didn’t he allow her just one last hug?