Job Description: Death EngineersMature

What a beautiful day! I've got my knives, I've got my pistol of choice, a vial of arsenic, a bottle of chloroform, a set of handcuffs, Clorox Stain away, a pack of minty gun, and the sun was shining without a cloud in the sky.

There is still a light dew under my feet at this hour, dawn having just given way to a bright sunshiny day, and a nice Anne Murray song is playing in my head. Oh, I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.

Perhaps it's fitting for today. As usual, when a customer wants something done, I find a large manila envelope in my mailbox. There's quite a large sum of money in it (some people over pay because of a sense of guilt. Guilt I don't plan on arguing with, but guilt no less.) and a name. "Terrance Jackson". His address is written on the paper along with a few notes on how they want it done. "Make it painless."

I chuckle to myself, "Where's the fun in that?" I shrug, turn on my car, and pull out into my neighborhood.


"Terrance! You have to stop running away from me! You are being really immature about this you know." Even in his house and after a nice kind discussion about the weather, this guy seems to be fighting. "Terrance! I've been nice to you. Why are you making this difficult? Grow up a little bit, this is childish. I'm just trying to do my job, so come on man."  His feet kick up from behind the counter, I whip my pistol up and catch him on the foot. My laughter must have been frightening, because Terrance seems to be crying.

"You blew it the fuck off! What the fuck is wrong with you? Leave me alone! You don't have to do this!" He glares up at me defiantly as I walk around the edge of the counter.

"Well. Maybe you'd still have your foot if I didn't have to chase you. Ever think of that? Really. If you have just come to my car when I asked, we could have done this quick, quiet, and," I snort while I say the next bit, "relatively painlessly. The person who wanted this done seems to have wanted me to do it painlessly." I stand up, clear my throat and throw him a dish towel. "I bet, it was a woman. You know, having had this job for years now, I absolutely revel in trying to figure out who hired me." My eyes lock on a picture frame next to me, and I pick it up. In it are two figures standing and smiling. One is Terrance, foot still attached and hasn't recently soiled himself. The other is a beautiful woman, tall, sleek, with vibrant red hair.

"Aww. Who is this? Wife? Girlfriend?"

"My ex wife... Please. Don't hurt her."

"Oh? You still love her? Then I suggest you don't pay me a lot of money and give me a slip of paper with her name on- Hold on a second." My phone is ringing. I click the ear piece, clear my throat again, and start conversation. "Hello! Whome may I ask is calling?"

"It's Annie! Hey! How ya doin'?"

"Oh! Annie! I'm great. I'm at a clients house right now. Poor bastard was too smart for his own good and figured out who I was. Well... Is I guess, he's still alive. For now." I turn to Terrance and crack a broad smile, but he's crawling away and reaching for the phone. Tsk. Tsk. "Hey! Hey!" I pick my gun up again, jump over the counter and shove my gun in his face. "You can't go anywhere just because I'm talking on the phone. It's really rude to treat your guests this way... And I was here thinking I could let you bleed to death and you'd like to go that way, but I perhaps you like it rough." Here comes that smile again. "I'll let you know a secret. I like it rough. In fact, the rougher the better. I seem to go through a lot of boyfriends that way too. Annie, would you like to listen to this guy scream or can I call you later? I know this ear piece is hard to hear other people with, but believe me," I smile at Terrance, "he'll be loud enough."


I step out of his house, look to the sky, and see the same view as this morning.

Clear, beautiful sky, shining without a cloud to mar it's gorgeous features. I whistle some more Anne Murray as I stuff Terrance's smoking body into the trunk. That man sure can take electricity. I was impressed enough to almost stop electrocuting him and let him go. People strong like that sometimes deserve rewards like those kinds of things. Unfortunately my hands were tied, not that I was really conflicted inside, but still. Would have been nice after all those metal things I put inside him.

My stereo is on, Garth Brooks is singing about a Thunderstorm, and my mustang is roaring down the highway towards the Elkton Body Point.

"Car. Call, Annie."

"Calling Kathleen Fanny."

"No! Annie!"

"Calling Mandy."

"Annie! I'll kill you too!"

"Calling Annie."

"Thanks buddy." Sometimes technology really knows when your serious about things.

"Hello. World renown assassin, gourmet chef and delightful party hostess Annie speaking."

"Annie! Sorry about that earlier. I had to operate a pretty powerful current before and I didn't want it to break the bluetooth. I'm sure you can understand."

"Absolutely Jack. We both know the rigors of this business. I almost wish the guys we take care of would understand how hard it is on us to just plan these things out, and then what we go through to think of a new way to go about doing it. We aren't just assassins. We're more. We're like Death Engineers."

"Designing new manners of death, paving the way of the murders of tomorrow. I like it. Let's make it our catch phrase. We can put it on the shirts."

"I like it more than 'All In The Family Business'. Mom and Dad started this so long ago, I think we need to give it a new name." Annie must be having a good day. I bet she's got a job for tonight too.

"Perhaps..." I get out of my car, open the trunk, and chuck the body into the radioactive dump. "I'll get a shirt made. I've been doodling smiley faces for the design, and nothing screams "Death" more than a smile, you know?"

"I love it."

"So we're meeting up later tonight for dinner, right?"

"Yea. I may or may not have a job to take care of, so I'll call you if I'm going to be late. Care to listen to them scream?"

"It's not as much fun over the phone as it is to be doing it yourself."

"What exactly did you do to him?"

"Oh, Terrance? I tied him up, made a few electromagnetic coils, shoved them in him, and sent a current through his ass. The coils became magnetized and forced themselves out the hard way. Once they ripped through his body, the electricity just kinda burned him from the inside."

"You and your science... What happened to just shooting them, or slitting their gullets?"

"So old fashion. Besides, it's so interesting! Try it!"

"I think I'll stick to the seductive executioner."

"Suit yourself. I've got to go, so bye."

"Bye." The ear piece clicks off, I change my clothes, throw them into the river, and set the river on fire with a match. Even if the cops in this town WANTED to uphold justice, there was noway they'd find Terrance now.

The End

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