This is a book told from several people's perspectives, so here is an extract from a completely seperate chapter told by Anthony Moore, a Reverand.
I could say I’ve never doubted the Lord, but that isn’t true.
Every Pasteur I know has told me the same things: Of course they’d doubted, but then they remembered the immutable word of Christ and they could again see that it is true. I’ve no idea if that’s true for them, but I know it isn’t for me. I’ve doubted on so many occasions, but if I had allowed myself to think “There is no God” I think I would’ve broken down.
And now, of course, I’m faced with something undeniable. There are aliens on my planet. Could there ever be a God who created me, and created them? Humanoid creatures whom I’m sure wish nothing but harm on me?
So there must be no God. No God could’ve created this disgusting possibility for an inter-world war as this will likely be.
But then, I lived believing even when I knew he’d given us the potential for hatred. There have been 2 world wars and millions killed. We, humans, are predisposed to hatred. How can a “Loving God” have created our hate? How could he let us destroy each other?
Look at me here. There are bloody monsters outside and I’m debating the existence of a mass-imaginary friend. I could be killed at any second and all I can think about is some stupid git in the sky who doesn’t love me and more than that doesn’t exist. I used to say I could feel his presence. I used to preach him to thousands but now, now I know it’s a delusion.
The church is a delusion. A well meaning blind-fold we so gladly give and receive to blind us to what we used to know. It’s a blanket for weak men to fall on when they realise there are horrors in the world. We delude ourselves into not feeling it within our power to truly end poverty or hunger. We stopped scientific advances in case they found something our God couldn’t explain. Because we really needed this, this little denial. We couldn’t just be floating objects of chance; We had to be something. We had to be important. We couldn’t just be us.
But we are just us. Just micro-organsisms who evovled into a world that just happened to be perfect for us on a land mass that just happened to explode into being 13 billion years ago. Oh we can say The Big Bang Theory doesn’t disprove God, or the dinosaurs or whatever else we can sidestep and continue our road of blissful ignorance. But there is no God. I’ll shout it now; I’ll scream it. There is no God.
I don’t need him anymore, those spiritual arms wrapped round me. I have myself. I have my mind. I have this one scrap of reasoning in my panic ridden self that tells me that I wasted 20 years on a religion that doesn’t even matter. Then I think of the wars it caused. The homosexuals, whores, and anything that was frowned upon of the day, it turned them all away when they needed the church most. This church of love that was too scared of itself and everybody else. Thank God I wasted my life on it. And now this life is almost run out. Now I’m almost nothing again, a soul extinguished, another life gone. I could think of a heaven I’d go to or maybe reincarnation but it wouldn’t help me. I’m not going anywhere. Now’s the time for my oblivion. Now’s the time for nothing but nothing for all of time.
Give me strength Lord, I know you can.