Have you ever read the book, “Alice in Wonderland”? I hate that book. We read it together fifth grade, and the whole thing was just confusing. After class, we all just wandered around the room in a daze, not especially understanding why Alice was so stupid, or where that mad rabbit got a pocket-watch. I especially didn’t like that the walking cards painted the white roses red. What if it rains? The red paint will just drip off the petals and land in a little red puddle on the ground!
My name is Alice. Yes, extraordinarily skeptical caterpillar that is so going to wind up with cancer, I am the Alice. I am the smarter, prettier, and much cooler version of the Alice than that one in that awful book. I’m not sure who Lewis Carroll thought he was, but if he was trying to predict my future, he sucked pretty badly at it. Like really badly. But hey, he got my name right, and Mr. Camlin is a real frequent smoker. He just messed up on the “I fell down a hole chasing a rabbit” thing. Let me explain.
I was actually chasing a rather fast old man, with astonishing white hair. He had stolen the wallet of a woman with a shrieking two-year old son; and I thought I would be the heroine of the scene and go tackle him. I was unfortunately unsuccessful, as he disappeared into a door with a sign that said “Employees Only”. I had attempted to get in, except the door was locked. I thought it was rather odd, because I hadn’t seen the man unlock it.
I gave up after that, and went back and apologized to the woman. She just sighed, and asked for a phone so she could call her husband. I let her borrow mine, and entertained her son by playing peek-a-boo while she talked in a low voice. The woman had a very short conversation, before handing back my phone. She thanked me, and dragged her son away with her, despite his screaming objection. He was much cuter when he was giggling.
So that’s where it all began, in a crowded amusement park with a criminal. Carroll made him out as a rabbit, which are much cuter and nicer than a man who likes to steal. I’m telling you, he really was no good at predicting future. Who ever heard of a talking rabbit, anyway?
To continue with my introduction here, I was at the amusement park merely to “baby-sit” my little sister as she went on the various rollercoasters and played the carnival games. What I really did was give her twenty-five bucks and tell her to meet me at the cotton candy booth at twelve o’clock so we could leave. She was eight years old, and I figured she could manage the rides on her own.
As I just wandered around, having short chats with friends I ran into, and watching people vigorously shake their fish that they won in the little plastic bags, I caught a glimpse of extremely white hair. It was the man who had stolen the woman’s purse earlier. I kind of stood there, and then began pushing through the crowd toward him. Maybe I could get back that woman’s purse.
He really did have quite the fast pace. I was huffing slightly under my breath, trying to catch up to him. I began to follow him to a very empty area of the amusement park that I hadn’t even known existed- and then I fell. NOT DOWN A HOLE! I fell on my ass, if you really want to know, I‘m not sure what I slipped on. I would have laughed, if my dear white rabbit didn’t come over and blindfold me.
That’s how I ended up in wonderland.