We've all had a time like this, where every miniscule detail of where you are, what you're doing, and who you just turned into comes together and ascends to an entirely new level of being. It's not finding God or Love, it's no near death experience or fancy promotion. It's everything and anything. Or maybe it's nothing.
I had a time like that... At least, I think I did. Once the moment has passed, it's impossible to know if it had even ascended, or descended... or did a damn thing at all.
New Year's Eve, 2008. Sometime before the Times Square ball had dropped, but after it had been lit up. It's winter, but the snow is minimal, delicate on this Ohio evening.
The fumes of Camel cigarettes surrounds me, and though I'm no nicotine-freak, I enjoy the aroma. It reminds me of strong feelings and out-of-body comfort I don't get at home. The emotions have compelled me so much in the past that, in moments of inebriated weakness, I've found myself inhaling the seductive poison with abandon, before someone of a more sound mind caught on and proceeded to take it away. I loathe them until I am more myself again. Canada does no justice to the tobacco industry, and while many nod in approval of this, I feel cheated when I step particularly close to a huddled smoking group, to find no richness or poetry to the haze.
Before I continue, I must explain that it's not really about the damn smell. In fact, the only constant in any ascension like this is complete fulfillment in oneself. It is a necessary ingredient in achieving what I call an "Ah, There It Is". This is why many individuals will have no idea what I'm talking about. Oneness can take thousands of forms. For me, it is only possible with the one other human being in the world who makes me feel whole. He's been doing that to me for years now, from a distance of about 350 miles.
Yes, Nicholas is smoking a particularly good cigarette, leaning against the SUV parked in this tiny garage. Kasey, his brother from another mother is to my left, looking more buff than ever. Protein shakes and regular trips to the gym he brags, as Nick and I each squeeze an iron bicep.