As he sat there, he couldn't help but wonder to himself. He saw his entire life flash before him as if it had already happened. He saw himself growing up, working 60 plus hours a week, because he was afraid to go home to the dark, lonely, shadowy confines of his one bedroom apartment in a sleezy part of the town he called home. Every waking second, his mind wandered, wandered to her, the one that got away. She was the one he spent his entire teenage life trying to impress, trying to make her understand how he felt, trying to make her...it didn't matter now. She was gone and he had nothing left but memories to run on, his will to live gone with her. Night upon sleepless night, he could see her in his mind. He was delusional with lust, there was no nice way to make himself accept that fact. He was measuring his life by the packs of cigerettes he smoked. Two, or even three packs a day, drowning himself in the hot, searing essence of smoke filling his lungs. He wanted to die. There was nothing in this world for him no, except for death, the promise of an adventure, away from the pain of this world. Death was the only adventure he had left. It had to stop! He could feel himself dying slowly, as if he were caught in a whirlpool of excessive smoke, pain, and the always overlying factor of suffering. He had tried everything to make the pain go away, which led him to become an excessive drinker and a sex fiend. At night, he'd lay in his bed, unable to sleep, rolling over and over, tossing and turning, yearning for that heartbeat beside him that he knew all too well, a heartbeat that would never return to him.
He couldn't even bear the sight of himself, what he had allowed himself to slip to, the very lowest of the low, a man tortured by that one thought of her. That one perfect night kept haunting him, how she lay beside him after hours upon hours of lovemaking, to hear her heart beating together with his, fast paced, as if they had minds of their own.
He jumped up. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he whipped a half empty liquor bottle at it. The mirror shattered to pieces on the floor infront of him, like his heart so long ago. "Oh God! Why have you forsaken me!" He screamed off into the distance, into the empty darkness that enveloped him.