Chapter 8: Sly GrinsMature

Narrator: Leslie Défiere


I heard splashing footsteps, and looked up from the muted Gameboy Advance that I'd taken from Brent's coat pocket. Pokémon was becoming tedious. Purple bangs fell upon my face.

Too many splashes for just one person.

I pocketed my device, and shut my eyes, in hopes of hearing their voices.

"-- so, the user got used?" Female, soft, gentle.

"Yup," somber, smooth, yet husky, "I was given a taste of my own medicine. I admit, it's been a struggle not to revert to my old ways, though. It's better than moping around with a broken heart. She was the only one I ever let my guard down for."

"She must have been special," the girl added.

Their voices were becoming clearer, and closer, but neither one was Junior's.

"Sixty-nine, yay!"

Bingo! Those were words that, coming from Junior, made me laugh inside. I struggled to keep quiet as they made their approach. I opened my eyes and pushed a branch of the bushes aside to see. Junior was with them, underneath a pair of umbrellas, still pointing at the house number above the garage and squinting at it. Thick rain.

The man who was with Junior ran up the porch first and looked down at me. He was too shocked, to see me there in my purple wig, to hit the doorbell. I winked at him, holding a finger over my lips to indicate that he should keep quiet. And he returned the wink! Hmph.

I snuck around the bushes, carefully, as Junior and his other companion walked up the steps. And finally, the guy in the black coat hit the doorbell.

I made my approach. However, I had no idea what either of the other two were wearing. I couldn't tell them apart. My mind drew a blank. What does the back of CJ's coat look like? It's always covered by that damn butt-blocking backpack!

The guy in the black coat looked down at where I'd once been. Luckily, he was kind enough not to turn around.

I looked at either butt. Large. Round. Denim. I couldn't tell whose hips were wider. He always had a fat ass. It was the only place, as far as I could tell, where his body bothered to keep any. Good thing, otherwise the bottom strap of his backpack would slip right off.


White rubber rain boots.

Muddy green and black work boots.

The door opened.

Now was my chance!

I grabbed at it, seeking handfuls, while screaming "ass rape!" with an edge of enthusiasm, rather than distress. Then I backed away, as an umbrella began to fall from his grip.

The girl beside him, already having closed her umbrella, screamed and ran inside as Junior yelped and then turned to give me a harsh stare. If looks could kill, he'd have to wear a mask. That glare was his signature, and I found it intolerable, so I looked away.

His friend, with a face full of confidence and charisma, gave me a high five, "High five, stranger!"

I grinned broadly as our hands met.

"Never do that again, Leslie," Junior demanded. "At least, not to me."

Intentionally misinterpreting that, I pressed my wet, gloved hand against his face, "High five!"

"Seriously," he said, his voice betraying no amusement. But I knew, deep down inside, part of him was laughing.

"Well, I wouldn't have been obligated to," I told him, "if you'd bothered to wear your giant ass protector, now, would I?"

He frowned, pursing his lips, and followed his friends inside.

"Prrrriceless," said the guy in the black coat as he extended a handshake to me, "Name's Adam."

"Leslie," I answered.

But before I could take his hand, he said, "Awww, heck, you deserve a hug for that one!"

I love hugging strangers, I thought to myself, arms opening wide. Especially homeless strangers. "Where do you live, Adam?"

"CJ's bedroom, through the wall," he told me as we walked inside. "We're... uhh... neighbours."

I looked up to see Kieth, the host's older brother, on the stairs. Like a statue of some dark wood, he was caught in Junior's eyes. I could do nothing but watch, as Adam slipped my coat off me and Brent moved in like a hawk.

I felt so utterly entertained.

And then Kieth bolted, nearly limping, like a wounded animal barely escaping a sinister trap.

Then the door opened, and more guests arrived. I moved out of the way, and watched as two pairs of headlights pulled into the driveway.

And my eyes fell upon the other stranger. The girl Junior had invited. I knew of her. I'd heard about her. Heck, I knew how he felt about her. And as I took the spot on the couch beside her, I realized I was unsure of where I stood. Was she an adversary or a friend? Should I play matchmaker, or oust her?

But as I leaned back, unable to make small-talk. Adam interested me as well. And now I was sure that I had way too many thoughts veering way too far from Brent.

And I was left asking myself, Just how good was the sex, just an hour ago? That's all we really had left, right? Be honest, Leslie.

The third packet, opened but empty, lay in my pocket. There were days when he'd go through more than three in an hour. Days when money, and love, seemed to grow between the folds of our wallets and the depths of our purses! Days when romance dripped from his tongue, and reassuring compliments always met his ears.

Days of old.

The iPod speakers, shuffling through Edward's playlist, was shut off. And the surround sound stereo was turned on. CJ's fingers danced upon the buttons with uncanny intuition, and he dropped a disc into the rotating tray with a sly grin on his face.

"Ohhh, noooo..." I groaned.

Brent withdrew his head from my neck and looked at me in the eye, "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I lied.

"You're sure?"

"Am I ever?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he returned to trying to form a hickey on my neck. His mouth was clamped on like a vampiric vacuum, one hand on my shoulder and one clutching the ornate framework of the old couch.

Beside us, CJ's date, if that was what she was, was beginning to look almost uncomfortable. I closed my eyes, sighed, and pushed her to the back of my mind. The cluttered back of my mind.

That was when the music started. It misleadingly began with a harpsichord bit. Ten seconds, no lyrics. Then she started singing. A voice from the speakers.

"If you're looking for some where to go,
I got a ticket to a movie show,
Sittin' in the back,
And I'll jack you off."

What did I just hear? I wondered, eyes bursting open, as Brent once again stopped sucking and looked around.

The tune was infectious.

"Can't give you everything you want,
But I can take you to a restaurant.
And if you're not hungry,
I'll jack you off."

CJ and the two he arrived with were now dancing together. I could tell that it was, now, in some form or another... Adam's kind of party. He was the only one who wasn't cracking up every time the chorus line was sung.

"If your man ain't no good,
Come on over to my neighbourhood.
We can jump in the sack,
And I'll jack you off."

At that precise verse, I had too many people looking at me. CJ, Adam, Michelle, Joshua... was this some kind of revenge for what I'd done at the door?

Beside me, Brent grew tense.

"If you're tired of the masterbater,
Little girl, we can go on a date,
And if you like,
I'll jack you off."

Simultaneously, Adam and Cam, dancing in tandem, wiggled their fingers at me to get up off the couch.

From somewhere, Michelle whooed.

"I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!
I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!"

CJ was singing along, voice low. What the heck was going on? I rose to my feet, making sure to pull Brent along with me.

Then, Adam somehow managed to discretely pull Brent away from me.

"I only do it for a worthy cause,
Virginity or menopause,
You'll have an instant heart attack,
If I'll jack you off."

There was a sly grin on CJ's face, and he had sung along to that last verse with a boastful edge. Hmmph.

Joshua looked uneasy. And Edward was the only person he could manage to exchange nervous glances with. However, Edward was trying to dance along beside Juliet.

"If you really wanna be a star,
We gotta do it in yo' momma's car.
Naked in the cadillac,
And I'll jack you off."

Juliet wiggled her butt at us, and I slapped it jokingly.

"And if we can't find no place to go.
Girl, I'll take you to a movie show.
We can sit in the back,
And I'll jack you off.

I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!
I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!"

The vocalist sang 'off' at this point, in such a soft and innocent way. I yelled across the room, "Who are we listening to?"

"Robyn!" yelled Adam, handsome face radiant and body shed down to a tight black t-shirt.

I was clueless.

"If you're chicken, babe, c'mon here,
Mmm, good, I'll even let you stare.
As a matter of fact, you can't jack me off.
Yeah, that's right!"

Most of us were trying not to laugh as we danced to the song. And the people undressing in the front hall must surely have been confused. We were never quite this lewd, as a group.

"I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!
I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off!

I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you off! Huh,
I'll jack you o-o-o-off,
Jack you offfffff!"

It came to a slow, gentle end that left the dance floor open. However, when I looked up to see who I'd been locking knees with, I found myself face to face with the girl CJ had brought. She looked ecstatic. And, eventually, Michelle stopped humping my leg and barking like a puppy.

Now, the room was filled with silence. I was expecting the people at the door to applaud or at least greet us. Then, I realized what had everyone's attention.

At either end of the room, Kieth and CJ were staring each other down. I thought they needed guns and holsters, and some suspenseful country music. Oh, Brokeback Mountain.

However, I noticed that CJ had a sly grin on his face, and a girl in hand. It wasn't like him at all. He bowed pretentiously, eyes still fixed upon Kieth, "The ball's in your court now. Your turn."

Kieth, who had one arm behind his back, put out a silver bowl that he'd been carrying as he danced. Within seconds, I distinctly heard someone mutter the words 'free sheepskin condoms'.

"Shouldn't you hide those in the bathroom?" Joshua asked his brother.

Kieth just kept staring across the middle of the living room at Cameron. His chest rose and fell with remarkably calm breathing. Behind those dark brown eyes, I knew his mind must be racing.

Then, he gave CJ an answer, "Disc two, track five. And given what I've seen so far, I think those are needed."

"You heard the man," CJ said, toothless smile curving like an archer's bow. Preacher's kid, my ass.

I wished I could freeze time, find Joshua's computer and analyze those wretched, confusing lyrics. It seemed to have been a lesbian benefriendship sort of song. What kind of message was that supposed to send? I felt powerless, as CJ continued to play his petty mind-games.

Joshua dropped to his knees, and tapped three buttons, consecutively, on the stereo.

There was now a crowd of ten people standing in the front hall. All of them had their coats and boots off. I knew almost all of them, but this was no time for greetings.

Then, the music started once more...

The End

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