If I pray?

Mom used to tell me, "when all else fails and no one else will listen, He will listen, He will be there"  Right now I prayed hard, I prayed loud, I immersed myself, I found words, I begged, implored, wished, hoped, asked, demanded!

"You selfish little b---, I told mom, this is her fault, you have had everything given to you and, as far as my kids go, you never have to see them.. I , no we, could care less, you are totally useless, you wouldn't survive a day by yourself, I hope you never have to find out!"

I pushed her voice out of my mind, she was just as selfish as I was and who in the world wanted sticky fingerprints all over their clothes or, listen to chatter the whole time you were there.. stupid questions "why did you do your hair like that?"  She had been a lot more fun before the Rugrats came.. still right now,  a sticky little hand and a stupid question would be nice. Hell I'd welcome baby vomit with open arms at this moment.

"The blades of grass bowed their heads to the wind, bees flew from one flower to the other, softly, quietly.  The water in the lake glittered like so many little diamonds.  although the wind blew, I saw evidence of that, I couldn't hear it but, I heard the many phones begin to ring.. I made no attempt to answer and they kept ringing, the sound long, piercing, stabbing at my head.. I covered my ears and closed my eyes, I opened my mouth and tried to close out the sound with my scream but, I couldn't outlast the ringing.. 

"How does it feel to be alone?"


The End

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