I wandered the rest of the night, afraid to sleep. There are no more tears for me, just random thoughts of self pity. I think "why me?" was the question of the day. Who had I hurt, what had I done?
"I don't feel it's too soon, we've been dating what, 5 years.. I love you, I want to spend my life with you."
That was the conversation with Adam just before I went to see... Alex.
"You know yesterday was my birthday, your sister tried to call you, she had to leave and pick up my cake, on top of everything else.. what I'm saying is.. out of respect for me, you could have called."
That was the conversation with my mother the day before my trip to see... Alex.
"You selfish little b---, I told mom, this is her fault, you have had everything given to you and, as far as my kids go, you never have to see them.. I , no we, could care less, you are totally usless, you wouldn't survive a day by yourself, I hope you never have to find out!"
That was the conversation with my sister about an hour before I went to see... Alex. Somewhere, a phone was ringing, my heart pounded at the sound but then, would it be the voice asking how it felt to be alone. I walked towards the sound, maybe, just maybe it was someone, like me, someone lonely looking for their loved ones..
"How does it feel to be alone?"
I slammed the receiver against the keypad, I screamed.. "It doesn't feel GOOD!"