The worst one yet

I don't have the talent for this. I don't have the patience for this. I am not clever and I cannot make the multi-syllable words flow freely from my fingers to the keyboard. Or from the pen to paper when I have nothing else to do.

Conformity - I am a big fan. I want to be like everyone else because every is different. If I am different, I am just like everyone else. I can't stand originality. Everything has already been done by someone else and probably better. All capital letters - done and rude. All lower case - done and rebellious. And hard to read. Rhyming diction - what am I, a rapper?

I stopped for exactly fifteen seconds and had nothing to add. Nothing. Creativity escapes me, even in my dreams. I dream of every day situations - me paying bills or me looking for a new car. It's not boring, because that's more likely to occur than me winning the big game, or meeting a famous person or becoming famous myself.

Do I need a semi-colon in that last sentence?

I think this will be the worst entry in this tale, and I apologize in advance for that. Everyone will ignore it and I will feel a bit depressed until I remind myself I am not very good at this and I should stop. And I will stop writing for a few days.

Boredom makes me do this as much as anything else. I hate challenging myself - you can fail if you try. That's fine with me, because everything has a winner and loser. I accept that premise. I can't stand when no one notices. That hurts. Anything is better than obscurity, yet I crave anonymity.

I can be outgoing and shy at the same time. Leave me alone and be my best friend. You call me and then I will call back. But no one ever does call or comment or want to do things. Ever. You get used to it. I enjoy my company and I have distractions. No one here knows me, so I can tell you anything. I could have a hundred close friends and be married with kids. You never know.

I told myself before starting this that I should get to five hundred words. That is exactly three hundred and seventy-six more words than I need to say anything useful. Not that this is useful. I don't understand what I am supposed to do with this. I tried to read to other posts, but I ended up clicking on last post. My apologies.

Another long pause. I just deleted the sentence I wrote because even I found it stupid and repetitive. I just ate lunch - a salad. My mind is wandering, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to work, either, so I keep going. Five hundred words is so close. I think I can make it.

I wrote a story in tenth grade that the teacher made me read in front of the class. Advanced English, full of smart students. The story read poorly - I stammered and read in a monotone. Not because I was embarrassed or too cool to read something I wrote. On the contrary, I felt a great deal of pride in what I had written, but I did not want to share it. Just mark the A in the grade book and hand out the next assignment. Instead I read my little story and the room replied with a "Blast of Silence (parenthetical quote - Golden Palominos' best album)". That crippled me - oh wait, I noticed I flew past five hundred words.

I can finish this. Skip to the next post - I guarantee it's better.

The End

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