Staring at the little plus sign just made the last centimeter of my heart fall into my dark, empty body. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. But, it was. I tried one more time, tired, heartbroken, and just not myself. I watched the little plus sign fade in.
"Crap," I muttered, throwing the menacing and malicious little stick inside the garbage can.
I pulled up my jeans, and walked back into the small store. The cashier gave me a look of sympathy.
"Positive?" Katie asked, placing her hand on my shoulder.
I nodded. I should've cried, but I didn't. I used up all my tears.
"You can get an abortion," she said, "your parents don't have to know, honey."
I shrugged, grabbing my purse and walked outside. The cold late March breeze hit me. I trembled, knowing I had a few tears left in me. I got into the car, letting Katie drive me home. I walked in, dropping my purse on the table near the door. And I walked into the kitchen. I leaned against the door frame, placing my hands over my stomach. My dad was on his laptop, my mother cooking. She noticed I was standing there. She slightly smiled, trying to assure me everything would be ok. But, she wasn't talking about my pregnancy. And I had to tell them. Katie came in. She was spending the night. There to support me.
"Mom, Dad," I said, quietly, "I'm pregnant."
My dad looked at me. But, he wasn't angry. He couldn't be angry. A man of 36, still young and understanding. My mom's eyes welled with tears.
"With Nate?" she whispered.
I managed to nod, crying, as I walked up the stairs. I went into the bathroom, locking the door, not bothering to turn the lights on. This couldn't be happening. I closed the lid on the toilet, curling my body onto the cold, porcelain seat. The tears felt warm and uncomfortably moist on my face. My heart was closing in, clumping together, draining the least bit of hope I had. Squeezing every last drop. Just a week. It had just been a week. A week since Nate died in that car crash. A week of being pregnant. And a week filled with sadness, sorrow, and complete and utter torture.
And I had a little Nate inside me that I would never let go. The last drop remaining in my heart. The last bit of hope.