Its funny thing, depression. Now I'm fighting it, I notice it more. See, I wasn't so severely hit. I mean, I'm not on drugs or in an institute or anything. It just seems worse because of my 'tender age'. But there are days where I'm like everyone else. I laugh and smile and I relax. I close my eyes and drink in the moments. Because there are days that feel like there is a black, leaden weight attached to every atom of my being. Even breathing feels like a momentous achievement. Yet even on days like that, I still manage to get up, go about my business and pass it off as being ill or tired. Unfortunately, it makes things with other people hard sometimes. I tend to take my low mood out on them. And, understandably, they get sick of it after a while and start to avoid me. Really, I wish they didn't. When it hits, I need to be with other people to distract me. Even if I'm just a spectre in the corner of the room as they mess around, even that is better than being on my own.
I guess that explains why I turned to inventing my own worlds. Because in these worlds, I create the problems with a loophole, so there is always a way out. It seems that as you get older in this world, these loopholes are more like nooses than an escape. Though some people would see the two as one and the same, I no longer count myself among those. But yeah, writing is an escape. I can pour out my heart through the voice of a character and no one would know any different. I can weave my problems through universes, mythical creatures and magical kingdoms and no one would be the wiser. Quite the opposite, you get applauded for it. The realism, descriptions so vivid you can taste the scene being painted in your minds eye... People shower my work with the praise that is undeserved. They say that actors should play a character close to their own personality. Writers, we don't write what we know. We shape the world to fit our purposes. We write the rules then bend them to suit our whim. We decide right and wrong. We dictate the law to untold millions of planets, countries and dimensions, we create perfect worlds and destroy them with a few sentences. Writers are about as close to gods as human beings get.
I am no writer. I do not create, only manipulate. People call it a talent. Its not. Its merely an outlet for otherwise repressed thoughts, emotions, dreams and desires.
Art, music, theatre, film.. these media are all food for the soul. But story writing, the ability to create everything from nothing, that, dear reader, that is the voice of the soul.
A good writer will show you their soul through their words. They create their most private and personal beings and bare them to the world. See, theres nothing to it. All that writers can be applauded for is having the courage to expose our minds to the world.
Yet even then, we hide behind characters. Right?