My phone buzzes, announcing I have a message. I half consider leaving it, but reflexively, I slide it open. Matt's name flashes up, and my attentions snaps to the message.
I was taken aback by the abrupt tone of the message, but regardless, I logged on, reminding him via text that my laptop would probably decided whether I could be online or not.
Finally, after a few false starts, we were talking over webcams. To my amusement, it wasn't long after that we both had removed our tops. My amusement quickly faded when Matt flipped back to the role of the asshole he played so well.
Me: Well.. why do you hang around if I only bring you down then?
Matt: I dont know? You have a nice rack I guess.
Me: ...so you're only sticking around because I have a nice body?
Me: I thought that I meant more to you than just some girl with a nice body. I though we had something more than a friendship. Clearly, I was mistaken.
The conversation continued in a similar vein for a long time. At the end of it, I felt as though the guy I loved saw me as nothing more than a personal stripper.
Matt: Nah, you are :P
Matt: You're worth it ;)
Me: Worth what?
Matt: More than a friend?
Looking back now, had I missed something there? It sounded like he wanted more than we have, but then-what do we have now? A bizzare kind of friendship where both of us want more...but where he wont take the step he needs to get it.
The thoughts make my head spin and my chest ache. I hope that over the next couple of days, things become clearer.
Although, knowing the way things go-I highly doubt that.