Theres a small surge of pride and a huge weight of everything else as I wander around in a short sleeved top, my arms scarred but clean from fresh 'mistakes'. I manage a smile, even a rare laugh for people, but its still fake.
Stephen: Heyy :)
Me: Hey, hows you?
Stephen: Goodd thank you, you?
Me: Same old
Stephen: One step at a time yeah? :)
Easy to say, not so easy to do. But I guess the fact my arms aren't sliced to ribbons speaks a lot as to my 'recovery'. The rest will come with time. Hopefully. I make resolutions. To work properly, take care of myself and to generally be better. Theres a weird sense of deja vu. Then I remember-I made these same resolutions last week. And the week before. And probably the one before that too. I sigh, trying not to get dispirited. And I fail.
Grabbing my iPod, I head for my room, preparing to settle down with either some music or a film, whichever takes my fancy. I text Matt as I go, hoping that I get an answer, not really expecting one.
Hey, how are you doing? X
I suspect he'll ignore it.. like all my other attempts to make this mess go away.