Again, a bit of a jump. The present day. Stephen and I are more or less as close as we have always been. He has the rather irritating knack of making it impossible for me to stay angry at him for longer than 24 hours. I learned that turning 18 is a massive deal. I learned I had more friends than I realised. I learned that no matter how hard I might try, I can never walk away from Matt. He won't let me. I learned he actually cared. I learned to trust the people I loved and to talk. I learned therapy isn't the answer all the time.
Academically speaking, things couldn't have been better. At school, I was starting to say goodbye to things. I was preparing for uni after all. Outside, I was working for my black belt, a massive source of pride. I was given the gift of driving lessons. Getting tipsy with my friends in celebration of becoming an adult and making it to a point I never thought I would make.
Things with Matt sat at an odd kind of low. I truly believed that he cared like he claimed to. But at the same time, he triggered my first true suicidal period since I had entered therapy. Due to threatening the same himself. It snapped some kind of control inside me and it just came out of my mouth
I'll get the razorblades then.
I don't know which one of us was more surprised.
While I still feel the same way about Matt, other guys have been popping up on the radar. Danny, a lovely guy, currently taken, showed an interest and still keeps in touch. And most recently, Trevor. He's... interesting. Fun because its new. Other than that, not sure what else. Guess its something to look forward to. At least tomorrow should be interesting. I mean, meeting up with him should hopefully lead to something. It would be nice to feel wanted again and he has made it clear he wants me. I feel sick, sure I'm going to lose the guy I love. But hopeful that at least I won't be alone this time. I have a rebound guy. And maybe, he might be something more.