I could hear his cries, calling to me, willing me to come to. I tried. I stood behind him my hand on his shoulder. ' I’m here' I was screaming but he didn't hear me. No one did as I screamed out their names.
They came one by one, to sit and cry, hold my hand and do the ‘remember when….’ I’m not dead. I’m sleeping. I was screaming inside my head, willing my body to move. Just a twitch of my finger anything so that they know I am still here.
My body, so pale and life less, laying there not moving, not waking to his touch, as he was sat bent over, his head resting on my ,arm crying my name. The monitor bleeping, just ticking me over, watching my breathing. How can I be here like this, seeing me from above, hearing and feeling in my heart that I am still of this world.
I’m not ready to pass over yet.
‘ I should have been there,’ he cries. ‘I m sorry Gemma’ as he kisses my hand. And then gets up to kiss my cheek. Stroking my hair back off from my face.
‘ I love you’ he whispers. ‘don’t leave’ and he sighs his heart heavy, he looks a mess, I think as he turns and walks to the door. Unshaven, and still in last nights clothes.
‘I love you too, don’t leave me’
‘Jake’ I scream. ‘Jake’ screaming his name as I run to follow him, running right in front of him as he heads thought the door. Right through me he walks. Transparent as I am. He doesn’t feel a thing.
The shock of this hits me and when I turn round I see him walking away. His friend sat waiting on the chair outside my room, seeing the look on his face and touching his arm. No words are spoken as the both leave me there.
I glide through the wall back into the room, were I lay so lifeless. The bruise on my forehead, so black against my now whiter than white pale face. I touch my self, pull at my hand, but it doesn’t move. And the tears start to fall, down my face, that no one will see and great big sobs, that no one will hear.
How could I have been so careless, I lived on the edge. It made me feel alive as I took all those risks, and now I want more than anything to live a normal life.