"I haven't seen her since yesterday," I voiced my thoughts to my sister. We were standing in the long, winding hallway devoid of any light. I could sense her scrutinizing every detail of my weary and concerned face and every corner of my heart. "I am worried about her Stella, I don't know what to do..."
In the pitch darkness, it was hard to tell if her eyes were looking at me tenderly and compassionately or were full of hatred. I didn't reach out for her either, in fear she'd push me back and scream at me for being a jerk and for screwing her best friend's life. I just stood there motionless, in the silence and in the dark. I heard her shifting in place, she must be tired, after all, it was midnight. The window at the end of the hallway was heavily curtained and the fact that the moon was not in its usual spot in the sky didn't shed any light into the darkness either. I heard her sighed and curiously I found myself holding my breath as I waited for her answer.
"Aidan, just give her some space," she said in a kind manner. "Don't worry yourself about it right now, just go back to bed."
"But," I protested, but she silenced me when I felt her turn away from me and walk back to her dimly lighted room. Her door closed behind her with a muffled slam and I was left alone. I hung my head low and walked back to my room hunched, hunched because of all the mistakes weighing down on me, hunched because I didn't feel like standing upright and proud of myself right now. And so, I went back to my bed in the haven of my room. I flopped on the bed and pulled the blankets over me, trying to wash the thoughts of her out of my weary mind.
For several hours I twisted and stirred on my bed, trying hard to fight consciousness and willing myself to fall into the deep slumber that will take time to come. I sighed heavily and allowed myself to recreate happy moments with her. The images that came to my mind were torturous, it was the evening we broke up. It was the end of July, we were standing in a patch of soft green grass under a dogwood tree in the park near her house. The sky was blushing behind her and the song of the birds was that of home. She looked beautiful as always, but there was something broken in her as I confessed.
"I never meant to hurt you, Eva," I said in a constricted voice. I fought the urge to take her in my arms and rock her agonies away. Her soft brown hair was flowing with the delicate breeze that caressed the park, her deep blue eyes were mirroring the few burning stars that were appearing in the sunset sky. She was staring at the lush, green grass and toeing it with her black converse. Her fingers were entwined with each others in front of her and her long eyelashes were shielding her azure eyes from me. "Eva..." I called her name, I wanted to hear her voice, to know if she was okay.
"It is okay," she said quietly and brushed a lock of hair behind her shoulder. She shrugged, "I understand..."
Relief didn't come over me either. I reached out for her but she backed away. I was a moron, why did I accepted the bet? It was never heard of a football jock dating an Emo girl before, but I tampered with the rule and during the process I experienced the most blissful moments in my life and I also caused the most painful for her. Somebody had told her about the bet on the day of our first month together. Being with her was different, it was a whole new world and a whole new perspective. She understood me like no one else could and I told her my deepest secrets and wishes. I loved it when we'd lie on the grass during twilight and gaze at the stars silently. All was gone, like sand blowing in the wind.
"It is late," she said, her eyes were still locked on the grass, "for what's worth, how much did you won?"
Words were caught in my throat and there was a searing pain in the back of my throat and in my heart. I was speechless as she lifted her deep blue eyes and stared at me. I always told her her eyes were like oceans; deep, mysterious, vast, and inviting. I always lost myself and sunk in them eagerly. Her eyes were a shade darker and grimmer and there was a tear welling in the corner of her right eye, that gently rolled down her cheek. She nodded and turned to walk away from me. That was the end, she never looked back.
The night engulfed me in quiet tranquility. I learned too late that I loved her and I will forever regret that tear I caused in the ocean of blue.