So here I am again and I don't even know what the date is. I couldn't tell you what month it is, Bekah, and that's what scares me. My life is slipping away, sliding through the gaps in my fingers ... I can't catch it. I should know. I've tried, many a time, and always it's just out of reach.
You think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. But I know one thing: I'm not who I was a month ago.
When I unveil this new personality I am prepared for the question that will be asked: "Are you a radical?" The answer is "No. I am a radish."
I am the root of something that is life, that is strength, that is flavour. I am the root of something new. At least, I will be.
So you see now what I mean, don't you? I'm not the person I was a month ago. I'm letting go of everything. My past. You remember my Polly Pocket toys that I refused to get rid of? I'm giving them away. And my old sewing machine, the mini one that Jacqueline gave me, that I wouldn't give away even though it didn't work: yes, that's on the pile too.
So now my cupboard's empty and my heart is too. I'm letting go of all I held on to. I'm, in the words of 'Lifehouse', hanging by a moment.
I hope you'll stand with me.
It's been hard, with us, recently. We're not like we used to be. Do you remember those games we used to play out on the church lawn when we were little? Sometimes I wish we were still eight years old. There would be none of these tensions. Our interests were far more similar then.
Now I'm always worried that you don't want me. I'm always worried in case I'm annoying you, in case I'm just a kid to you - in case you'd rather hang out with the older girls and leave me behind.
I guess that's fine. I am just a kid. But I'm a radish too.
Soon enough you'll see the new me. Soon enough you'll see the part of me I've left behind fall by the roadside never to be seen again. Oh, Bekah, I'm getting stronger. I'm leaving my old life way back in history and I'm becoming who I should be.
You'll notice a difference.
Because I've got someone bigger, someone better, on my side. My lover. Jesus, my saviour, my lover, my brother. Jesus, the son of my father. That's right.
I've given up Christianity to follow Jesus, Bekah. Maybe you'll join me.
Signing off and hoping for some sleep at last,