Jesus Christ! look around u. some shoddy little room cursed by darkness. Yet I remain glaring out this window. How long have I been here? Hours? Maybe days. Time seems inconsistent. The room looks out on a twisting street, mostly lifeless, being that my abode lies were the road ends. In the foreground is my garden. Uninhabited. Though, Perhaps a few cats will come and go. You see, the population of cats round here has been inflating for some time now. Occasionally you may see the odd one, keeled over In the middle of the road. Usually the victim of a savage assault by another. Toward the far left , just insight, is a thin alley often guarded by the local “shitheads“. This is merely my idiom “shinewater shitheads”. Shinewater is a council estate. Perhaps not too different than any other. I am not a stereotypical person, however, every youth in these wastelands is destined to be a thug. If it isn’t someone fighting for a reputation its someone clinging onto the drug addled one who is.

Sure enough, lurking in the low lit alley a number of baseball caps and hoods stand making what seems to be SOS signals with the cloud of smoke leering off them. To late for that boys. you were born in these streets, u will breed in these streets, and my god you will die in these streets. Though I do not care for them. I am waiting, have been for some time now. If the light was on in this room, the police would probably be on my doorstep inquiring about my Norman Bates behaviour. Further up the road, a little to the left, a single room is lit in a house around 75 meters away. A young couple, wine in hand, dance carefree through the thin glass. I try not to focus on this, but it seems to be the only joy available.

Just when I had been ready to give up this torturous charade, she wisps by. Not a petit girl, though she carries an air of grace and playfulness. This wasn’t what had fuelled my attraction to her though merely something I understood later. Her fiery blond hair dances on her shoulders, and I am disregarded. What was I hoping for? Maybe just a glance toward the window. If the light had have been on this would be improbable. But had she even turned her head toward mine I would have achieved something. In fact I wouldn’t. The truth is, for the remainder of the evening I would have been contempt. However, would wake up emotionless the following day unable to share myself or even pretend to.

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