I can't, I don't know how

As usual or what seemed to be usual...Leigh heard Luka before she saw her. Luka was banging dishes in the kitchen. Leigh thought about checking what all the racket was about but Leigh was too busy. Too busy being a waste of skin. She didn't need a body when her soul was dead already.

Leigh finally slept. Much to her chagrin. She couldn't say I told you so. She had hoped for something she could throw in his face. But it was the same for her, it seemed she only slept on nights she saw him.But Leigh never did got out of bed and she had deadlines to meet...Her therapist warned her about self destructive behaviour. But the inspiration just wasn't there and she just couldn't fake it.

Moments later Luka entered the room. She was eating cereal and walking. Milk dripped from the side of her mouth. Luka didn't seem to care.

Between bites she said outraged " What are you doing still in bed?"

"Don't you have your own food?"  Leigh shot back

Luka rolled her eyes and nudged Leigh with her leg. Leigh moved over. Luka akwardly got into bed. Mostly due to the fact that she refused to put down her cereal.

" Aww...you spilt milk on me" Leigh moaned

Leigh lifted her wet hand up and started using the corner of the sheet to mop up the moisture. It was a fruitless effort...Luka was a messy eater and milk kept dripping over the side of the bowl.

" It's good for your skin. Your welcome" Luka snapped.

" Why are you mad at me?" Leigh whinned

" Look at yourself. Your a physical reflection of your bad choices"  Luka snapped

Leigh took a deep breathe. She couldn't exactly deny it...but she wanted to defend herself. Her choices. Despite the fact that she agreed with Luka. Despite the fact that she new better than anyone else, Leigh still wanted to defend her bad choices.  

" I don't know what you mean" Leigh cringed as she heard herself.  God she sounded so dumb thoughtless.

"  I don't know where, you got this deep sense of entitlement. Why you feel you just deserve things...and when they don't work your way...you don't even try."

" Why are you shouting at me?" Leigh whispered

" Because if I had love. I wouldn't pervert it by playing games...I wouldn't deny it...because it would be hard. or not romantic enough.  I would love. No matter what. Why? Because  I'm not the only one in this. "Luka cried.

" I'm sorry....I didn't now..you felt like this...Who was he?"

" Just do me a favor. Stop thinking about it"

They stayed silent for awhile. Weighted down on what had been said and weighted down on what could said. What should be said. They both had these words on their mind " This isn't over" . But They both feigned surrender.

" What do you want to talk about then?" Leigh sighed

Luka started stuttering and fading from view. Leigh swollwed a lump of bile and instantly held on for dear life. Her hand went right through Luka's. Had she done something wrong? Did she make her imaginary friend mad, so mad that she didn't want to stay?

She clutched the apparition harder, Like it would make a difference. Luka looked at her anonyed. Like she just rented a video tape that no one had rewinded or something...only mildly inconvienced.

Luka muttered a curse and said " I don't know when I'll be back again"

" I'm sorry...Just don't go...just don't leave..."

" God...pull yourself together...there's nothing worse than a desperate chick " Luka rolled her eyes.

Then Luka disappeared like fog over water. Leigh layed in bed, still and unmoving. She begged silently for numbness to come. She put her hand on where Luka had been sitting. It still felt warm.

The End

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