25th November 1982
I have had one month at Melif University.
There is one month until Christmas.
It has been just over ten years since Grannie died.
Little had happened since my last diary entry, until I started at the varsity. Genealogy is amazing. It's all about ancestry and methods of delving into the past. My scrolls, which had been in my bag for over a year and a half, came out on the second day, and I read every detail. I traced my finger over the earliest names and dates, where Grannie's pen had once pushed. I gazed at those papers for hours on end.
And as I felt a knock on the door of my room, I felt life tingle back into my blood. I answered the door, and it was Hermann fetching me for dinner.
Hermann Dennison is my new friend. I met him on the first day, and he was very kind to me. But he confuses me. Every time I look at his flawless face, with its smooth skin and high cheekbones, I feel a pang at my heart.
Surely I can't be falling in love with him. He's too perfect, too pristine, too kind. And yet why do I think of him? Why do I ask him for help with oiling my room shutters? Why do I agree when he asks me out for dinner?
I look at him, and I forget a short hungry grey-eyed boy. I look at him, and I forget a tall manly brown-haired man. Dominick was distant to the day he held me and kissed my lips. He was sometimes gentle, sometimes angry; always his thoughts were unfathomable. A single tear had dripped down my neck when Dominick had cried for the cruelty of his father. Dominick felt and thought, and I felt and thought with him. He was a mystery to me, and yet I love him so.
I haven't seen him in over a year and a half. How has it been so long? Was it not yesterday since I left? I wonder if Dominick still thinks of me. Of course he does. Eighteen months is not that long. At least, it has not been long for me. It had been monotonous and I have done little thinking. Life has been dull and grey. But Dominick...he has had to fight for every day with his family. Eighteen months is a lifetime for a poor man.
And Hermann...he is kind and beautiful, but I don't know anything about him. He has mentioned a girl back in his hometown more than once. I wonder if she is his girlfriend? Why do I feel jealous and relieved at the same time? Why does my heart flutter like this as I write of him, and my hand is steady as I write of Dominick? I can't understand it. I love Dominick. I am sure of it. So even though I love one, can I have a crush on another? At the same time? Can a girl of my age even have a crush?
I'm confused. But I'm happy. I have genealogy, and Grannie guides me through the course alongside the tutors, speakers and professors. She taught me everything, and it does help so much. Without her I wouldn't even be doing this course. I owe Grannie more than I can ever pay her. Except I can't pay her.
Because she died ten years ago.
There are new horizons. Dominick...Hermann...
There, Hermann knocks. I am going out to dinner with him again. And I haven't readied myself yet. I must tell him to wait while I put on my dress.