A Rocking Escape

A rock is about to go through an unusual experience made by humans.

Limey and the Earthquake

“Ahhhhh...the old days...when I was a young limestone... of course that was when I was still a limestone...”(FLASHBACK)

“Humpty, doo... Whaa! Stupid branch!” I exclaimed. “The stupid branch made me trip over and fall down a cliff and into a volcano! The worst part was that the volcano erupted while I was right on top of it! I have a morbid fear of volcanoes now...anyways...That wasn’t the worst experience; that one is coming. Then some horrid humans came with some weird white coats and picked me up and dropped me in some dark smelly bag with some other rocks. I was melted and put together with other rocks. Then I became obsidian. I was all black and not colorful at ALL. I was all like, “WWWHHHOOOAAA!” I just got rock-napped, DUDE!!!!!!!!!!! As you can see the language back in da ‘60s wasn’t very er... dignified as it is now...not really.  The white-coats started smashing me into sediments with a hammer. I was screaming, “Ow! Oof! Oh, this is not cool, dude! And PUN intended!!!” but of course humans can’t understand us. We are such profoundly cunning rocks that have a language that humans can’t understand. The white-coats started to hammer me, and the other obsidian rocks into a statue.

“Hey, wait! You’re making my head tiny and my hands huge! What’s wrong with you humans? Get the point that I have no neck! Why am I wearing clothes? This is insane. I look like a clown... or do I look like George Wash-a-ton? I meant Washington. Wait a sec- I’m no old man and I do not have hair! White-coats need to capture that fact that I am a rock and rocks don’t look like old men!” I screamed, but the white-coats are ignoring me.

That night while I was being put up in front of the white house, I saw a shooting star. “Oh fairy godmother, please turn me back into a rock and destroy all white-coats so I’ll never be George Wash-a-ton again... I mean Washington.” You probably thought that my wish would be granted, but no. I was still a statue the next day and I couldn’t move since the Super 1000 Glue was sticking me to the other 1000 obsidians. Days passed and my wish was not granted. I had to stay outside with no leaf umbrellas even when it rained. Life isn’t fair to a rock. I wish I was still a limestone and not a dark, dull, and black obsidian.

The next day was another of those boring days. I had tourists take pictures of me and blah dee blah dee blah, but that wasn’t the worst yet because all of a sudden there was an earthquake. Of course I’m a statue and I can’t flee because of the Super 1000 Glue which became Super 1001 Glue when a pebble got stuck in George Wash-a-ton’s eye. I hated the fairy godmother as much as I hated white-coats. I hated volcanoes and earthquakes too. My worst enemy is glue. Super 1001 Glue doesn’t let you struggle and it makes you stay glued tight with other solid objects. My advice? If you’re a rock, hide and never let white-coats get you so you’ll never be glued and destroyed into sediments by earthquakes. Anyways...

The earthquake was so loud, unless... the building was falling down and crashing. I didn’t know which because the white-coats glued my eyes to the back of another obsidian rock. That was when I got crushed and became... not just any rock, but a sedimentary rock. Sadly, I didn’t become a limestone again. I was blown by the wind into a volcano eruption which tossed me everywhere and I became Marbles, a metamorphic rock. At least I’m a rock again and I don’t have to have an ugly face like George Wash-a-ton...oops I meant Washington. This time, I was very careful not to be captured by white-coats, but my luck changed when I saw a hand reach for me and of course it had to scoop me up and put me in ANOTHER dark smelly bag. Alas this time I was stuck with you nice fellers and not some rude black obsidian.” “Uuugggghhh shhhhoooooo Uuuuugggghhhhh shhhhhooooo. What? What happened did I become a rock or am I still in the beautiful forests of the Ama...uuuuggghhhh shhhhoooo uuuugggghhhh shhhhoooo.” “ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WAS TALKING TO PETRIFIED WOOD THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY CAN’T I  WAIL TO SOMEONE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. That. Will. Actually. U N D E R S T A N D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no here comes the white coa-WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” The End.

The End

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