A Reading from the Book of Lucas

For Lucas so loved the world’s ticket sales that he put his Words on paper, that nerds everywhere might endlessly quote them. And the Word was made film, and Lucas declared it good. But the ungrateful audience despaired, and Lucas saw that he must lay down a Law, that they might buy tickets again.

So a Divine Website appeared with The Laws of Lucas:

I am Lucas thy Filmmaker, who saved you from the drudgery of 2001. You shall have no other filmmakers before me, for I am a jealous Filmmaker.

You shall not make anything that violates copyright laws.

Do not steal words, characters, or ideas from the Filmmaker.

You shall not use the name of the Filmmaker in harsh critiques.

Remember and keep holy the Opening Day. Do not do any work, but wait in endless lines.

Respect thy divine guru, you must.

Use the force wisely when you have a light saber. Kill only critics.

Do not covet sci-fi from any source outside of LucasFilms.

Do not covet thy neighbor’s LucasFilms; rather, buy your own.

 

The End

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