It was 1979. Andrea sat on a windowsill at a house party, smoking a joint. Her friend Harmony sat next to her, also inhaling the marijuana smoke. Harmony was mimicking their teacher.

"Welcome class," she said, in a flat deep voice. "Today we will be learning about the evolution of life according to Darwin's principles laid out in the origin of species." The two girls cracked up. Their teacher was crazy, thinking they cared about Biology. 

They had passed the time of his class counting down the minutes until this party. "Funky Town" was playing on the record, but they all felt too mellow to dance. All they could do was laugh at the world.

"What do you think this is all about?" Andrea asked.

Harmony giggled.

"No. For real? What's, like, the meaning of life?"

The giggling stopped. Harmony looked up into Andrea's eyes. "Love," she said, and leaned in towards her. The two intoxicated girls began to kiss. Everyone else at the party was too high to notice.


Sunday morning came, and sixteen-year-old Andrea pulled herself out of bed. She pulled a comb through her straight blonde hair, put on a pink semi-formal dress, and walked out to the family station wagon to drive to church.

When the family arrived, Andrea got out of the car slowly, and walked towards the church. Harmony ran up and grabbed her shoulders from behind. "Hey!" she said, giggling. "Well that was fun last night!"

Andrea turned around to look at her. "Shhhh!" she whispered. "My parents think we were studying!"

Harmony giggled again. "We were!" she whispered. "We were studying each other!"

Andrea looked at Harmony quizzically. "What exactly happened last night?"

"You don't remember the amazing time we had? Together?"


"You made out with me! You don't remember?"

Andrea squeezed Harmony's arm with a death grip. "What?" she asked.

"Yeah. We were totally in Lesbians. It was great," Harmony began laughing uncontrollably.

"Oh my God! That's a sin!"

"So are pot, Booze, and saying "oh my God", dumbass!" Harmony joked.

"Well, we were really high. And drunk. It didn't mean anything."

"Of course not! Why would it? What would it mean anyway. At least I know I'm not a lesbian."

"Wait, how do you know?"

"Well, Brian over there is looking pretty fine."

"Yeah, okay. I like boys too. We're not homosexual, we were just high."

"Whatever Lezzie." Harmony took off running towards church.

"Wait up, B*tch!"


Andrea sat in First Presbyterian Church, hands folded in her lap, and legs crossed. Colored light from the stained glass dancing across her legs. The music of the organ sounded like a lullaby as the pastor's voice droned on. Still, she was anxious. Her chest was heavy, and her stomach itched and tickled and ached. She was afraid.

"And he who sins shall be damned!" called the pastor. Her stomach collapsed.

"When I was a boy of about ten," said the man in the pulpit, "I stole a pound of candy from the dime store. The bag had mints, butterscotches, chocolates, caramel, and any other sweet you can think of. It was beautiful. I thought I had myself a real special something, and, the next day at school, all the boys and I gathered in the yard. I told them my Momma had bought it for me, and they believed me. We all took a piece of candy, and the other boys loved me for it. But, when I put my first piece in my mouth, it tasted bitter, like the soap my Momma would rinse my mouth out with when I said something bad. I asked the other boys if they thought there was something wrong with it, and they all said it was the best candy they'd ever tasted! I began to realize it was my conscience kicking in." He emphasized the word conscience, shouting it so loud that it echoed through the church. "So I took the bag back to the store, put it down on the counter, and apologized to the clerk. He was mad alright, he made me work in the back for a week just to pay back for the twenty pieces that were missing, but I didn't get in trouble. Likewise, God will save you if you only apologize, and do penance. But, be warned, I had a friend, Billy, who did this three times. Each time, the candy would taste 'funny' as he'd say, so he'd take it back to the store, and tell the clerk what he had done. The third time, the clerk, so angry with him for stealing repeatedly, dragged him by the ear to the county jail where he spent the night, and had Petty Theft put on his permanent record, so don't expect to sin again and again and make it better by repenting like those Catholics think."

Everyone got up and began to file out of the church. Andrea remained seated. "Dear God," she prayed silently, "Please forgive me for the wrong I have done. I'm sorry and I will never do it again. Please, please forgive me. In your name, and the name of christ and the holy ghost, forever and ever, Amen.


Brian laughed. "Oh honey," he said to Andrea in his head, "You're lying, and you don't even know it yet."

The End

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