It wasn't until I got home that I realized my parents were out for the night, round a friends. I was meant to be staying round Jay's house... I flopped down on the sofa, resting my head in my hands, wondering where it had all gone wrong. Everything was so sweet, it was going so right, until I had made that dumb remark about Elliot. Elliot was a boy in my class and Jay was insecure enough to think that I had a thing for him. I had made a simple passing comment about something funny Elliot had said and bam, Jay flipped. He'd gone as far as to call me 'a lying slut.'
That cut through me. It would have hurt less if he had physically stabbed me in the heart.
Before I knew it tears were falling again. The weather outside seemed to reflect my mood perfectly, the rain was still falling heavily, clouds hung low in the sky giving everything a sinister undertone.
I decided to have a nice, relaxing bath and just clear my thoughts. Peeling the soaking jumper from my skin, I turned the taps on and filled the tub with luxurious bath soak. Facing myself in the mirror I saw properly for the first time what a wreck I was. My mascara had run, leaving black trails down my pale cheeks. All the colour had washed from my skin, giving me a chalky pallor. Sopping strands of black hair stuck to my forehead, still trickling water over my bare shoulders.
What an attractive sight.
After my bath, I had nothing to do. I was wrapped in my favourite dressing gown with my cat asleep on my lap feeling incredibly sorry for myself. Maybe I should call Jay. Would he be expecting my call? If I call him, will he apologize? I should, shouldn't I... It would be the right thing to do. After all, I was the one who brought Elliot up in the first place.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had grabbed my mobile phone, dialled his number and now had it pressed to my ear. I could barely hear the dials over the sound of my own heart.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring -
'Jay, it's me.' Duh, state the obvious.
Silence on the other end. What would he say?
'What do you want?' His voice was so detached, so dull and hard that it brought fresh tears to my eyes. It was a wonder I had any left in me. A lump rose in my throat and I had to swallow hard before I could speak with a level voice.
'Can we make up?' It was the best I could do.
'Are you sorry enough?'
I wasn't exactly what you'd call weak, but right now I would say anything to be okay with Jay again.
'I'm so sorry Jay, I didn't mean to upset you.' Part of me couldn't believe I was the one apologizing, but it was overshadowed by the majority which was seeking out any way for Jay to want to talk to me again.
Silence for a moment. Then: 'Okay, Ana.'
Everything seemed to lift from my shoulders all at once. The breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding flew out in one gush and all the worry seemed to seep out of my body. I was so relieved. I didn't even care that I was the one who had to apologize.
If only I'd known then what I know now. It wasn't the end and Jay wasn't the type to forget easily. I'd pay for my mistake.