A tale of love, lust, mystery, and violence through the eyes of America's favourite gorilla.
A sparkling sun set slowly over the tall trees of Donkey Kong Island as everyone's favorite gorilla downed another banana. The view over Kongo Falls brought tears to DK's eyes. "Wow. I'm so damn emotional," he whispered to no one in particular as chirping birds and rustling leaves set the soundtrack for a lonely Kongtastic night.
"Perhaps too lonely," DK thought to himself. "But thats none of my business," he decided with a sip of his Lipton Brand iced tea as he laid back in his hammock to think about some gorilla titties. DK could feel an erection emerging from under his soft brown fur; the head of his penis like that of an innocent newborn baby entering into this hell that we call life. Donkey Kong yearned for the warmth of some sweet primate sex, but feverishly stroking his 18 inch shaft would have to do for now. Just as he firmly grabbed the base, he heard a shriek in the distance.
Donkey Kong would have recognized that shriek even with his ears plugged. It was his beloved sidekick Diddy Kong, the raddest spider monkey in the entire Kongo Jungle. "Diddy, my sweet tender boy! Where are you!" DK shouted to some tall trees like they could actually respond to him or some shit. He pounded his burly brown chest like gorillas do and leapt from his treehouse to the jungle below. Twenty feet away sat Rambi the Rhinoceros, his trusty endangered buddy. "Rambi, Diddy is in trouble! I heard him scream while i was uhhhhh, relaxing and stuff. Let's go!" The poor rhino had no idea what DK was saying because rhinos can't speak english. He leapt onto Rambi's back, startling the rhino as he felt a half-chub gorilla dick on his silvery rhino skin.
DK and his rhino pal barreled through the trees towards the sound of Diddy's scream. Fear swept over his muscular body as he thought of what possible horrible situation Diddy may have gotten himself into this time. Did King K Rool capture his tiny friend? Perhaps he fell from a high tree and broke some bones. Then the fear turned to lust. Maybe Diddy was jerking off at the same time as him and had a fabled Ultimate Orgasm, the likes of which caused the loud shriek. DK's erection began to stiffen again as they grew nearer to the sight of the scream. "Not now, Donkey. I must expect the worst so as not to cum while fighting The Bad Guys." Rambi came to a stop and Donkey Kong slid off of his friend easily; his accidental pre-cum acting as a fantastic dismounting lube.
DK took in the scene around him with his well trained detective eyes. Before Donkey Kong became a badass gorilla hero, he was lead detective of his hometown's police force. DK fucking hates crime. "Fuck crime," Donkey whispered very quietly, but with much anguish. Cracked peanuts littered the jungle floor and the smell of bad guys tickled his nose. "And fuck bad guys." DK said a little bit louder in an attempt to scare off any possible remaining Baddies. A glint of sunlight reflected off a circular object halfway covered by Diddy Kong's 1981 Gibson Flying V2 electric guitar. Donkey reached down and picked the object up as his heart simultaneously dropped into his stomach. It was a fairly large golden ring that everyone knew belonged to a very particular speedy blue hedgehog...