A Midnight Reverie (NaNo'11)

Prologue

The cries of the seagulls echoed in the distance as I stood within a corner among the others that had gathered around. Closing my eyes, I tried to listen but the words of the priest never reached me. Giving my whole self to the truth of your existence isn’t as easy as it is for others. I’ve been to many funerals in my life; one even belonging to my father but the numbness I feel now is a stranger to my emotions. I’ve always been flexible to change, capable of responding the right way and knowing what to do but standing here, at a funeral ceremony that belongs to you, I’m lost.

You’re still here; with me. You’re just hiding behind a corner somewhere, like the times when we were kids and we played Hide and Seek. But after all this searching, no one’s been able to find you. Can’t you come out yourself and rid the pain we’re all feeling?

My eyes lifted and flickered to the faces of the people gathered close to me. The expressions on their faces varied from pain, depression, remorse. Each had a different story to tell of what they thought of your vanishing. Amy stood by me, her face stoic as she kept her eyes on the priest’s face, shutting everything else out. She’d put on a veil of utter calmness and maturity as if she could easily handle things; a lie. Joseph supported Diana as she wept silently to herself, her eyes refusing to meet the coffin - inside which is your body. Mom stood to my left and her face was expressionless as Amy’s as she watched the moments pass her in complete silence.

I could feel the tears start to pierce my eyes as my emotions drifted from numbness to a hurting. This couldn’t be happening. I stepped away and let go of Amy’s hand as I turned my back on the funeral, starting to walk towards the entrance gates of the cemetery. I could hear voices call my name but I took no notice. This isn’t where I wanted to be.

Cemeteries aren’t that bright or lively because sorrow is the main emotion that’s triggered from being there. It’s the resting place of people you loved or cared about. If a person were going to the cemetery, they would have a very good reason to do so but I don’t and that’s why I’m not willing to stay there any longer. I walked at a slow pace down the sidewalk, thoughts flying through my head and leaving me feeling a little dizzy and mind shaken that I had to stop and recall where exactly I was headed. When I remembered once more, I continued down the small neighborhood, crossing the street, and then being met by the familiar sights of the greenery of the park.

Making my way through, I headed towards the lake situated in the center and sat down on the bench. The sun kissed the ripples on the surface of the water made by the tossing of the rocks as children played, laughter escaping their lips. Their laughter had soul and meaning which felt like an insult towards things that happened in my life. A single tear made its way down my cheek as the smiles and happy chatter of people around me hit me with an impact that left me feeling upset and infuriated.

After all that had happened…this is what it had come to. The sun’s still up, hearts still content around me and life’s continuing. But I feel left behind; sitting here with you in another world and I on this one. You couldn’t be gone…you’d promised that you’d stay with me for as long as we both shall live. You always kept to your word. So why didn’t you keep to the most important one?