This is a letter for my true love, Ella. I wrote it over a period of three hours of constant typing so it changes from sad to happy (i apologize for the sad part).
Dear Ella, (i didn't look at this after i finished writing it, so i'm sorry)
I wish I could make it up to you, all the hurt i put you through. I wish that I could take all your pain away, or at least stop being the cause of it.
I'm sorry if I keep hurting you. There isn't an excuse for it, there never will be, you don't deserve to be hurt like i hurt you. I know you'll say i'm not hurting you, but i can tell that i am even if its not direct. I just want to make you happy, but all i bring you is pain lately. I'm so sorry, for everything that i do to you that hurts you or upsets you in any way. I really worry about you, i'm afraid that you'll hurt yourself, afraid you'll get hurt, afraid that someday i'll say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and it'll hurt you even more.
I promise someday I'll make it up to you if you'll let me. If you don't hate me for even writing this out. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, you have every reason to. I'd still love you even if you hated me, but i'd understand if you did hate me. Actually you could tell me you never wanted to see me again and i would still love you. I'd just want to see you happy.
I still wonder how you never can get angry with me, i do so much stuff that would make me deserved to be slapped, not cuddled, but you're wonderful to me and you never do get mad (and even if you did, i'd completely understand and love you just as much). You treat me better than anybody ever has, you never get mad or tell me to go away, or tell me i'm being stupid. You always make me feel better, no matter what. You could probably make me happy even if the world exploded.
I love you so much and to me, you really are perfect. I remember somebody saying that your true love is always perfect to you, but i really do believe it. Even though i know no human is perfect, you're about as close as it gets. I can't find a single part about you that i don't love. I just hope that someday you'll be able to see yourself the way I see you (even just a tiny part of it).
Here's just a tiny tiny part of all the reasons that I love you (in no particular order):
1) you're kind
2) you're smart
3) you're caring
4) you're thoughtful
5) you're sweet
6) you always know how to make people happy
7) you're the most beautiful girl (or boy, or transexual) that i've ever met
8) you're the best friend that the world has ever had
9) you always know how to make me smile
10) you love unconditionally
11) you're cuddly
12) you're cute
13) you're the most creative person i know
14) you take care of me
15) you're always there for me
16) you talk to me every minute of the day that you can
17) you help me when i need help (even when i won't admit that i do need help)
18) you never give up on me
19) you're absolutely wonderful
20) you sing beautifully
I know that when you read this list you'll deny everything on it but i still believe everything on the list. There's much much more to the list, but i don't think protagonize would let me post such a big file.
Every day I wake up and my first thought is of you, it's my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, your name is the first and last word that passes through my mind each day, and thoughts of you never leave my mind even when i'm asleep. Every time I see you my heart beats triple time and feels like helium, even if it's only been five minutes since i've last seen you. I can't wait for the time when we can wake up every morning and see each other first thing, and when for the time when i can fall asleep beside you and hug you in the middle of the night. In all honestly, thats the happiest prospect in the world. I promise that I'll make you supper for when you come home at night when that time comes (and it'll always be vegi) and leave little notes for you. Some day we won't have to wait weeks to see each other, and someday being at home won't be a bad thing.
I promise to love you forever and always, and even after that because I love you.
Have a great day, remember that I'm here if you need me, i'll have my phone.
Hope you slept well,
All my love,
P.S. will you be my penguin? <3