The Surprising Part

This is the part where you are surprised. Normally a surprise might be something random that catches you off-guard, but in a truly random story, it's the sensible bits that surprise you.

So now you're going to hear something sensible. Sometimes, in the pursuit of random, random itself must be sacrificed.

Without further delay, I present to you, The Perfectly Normal Story of Stanley Normler.

Stanley Normler was a nerd. He often got picked on by the bullies at his school; thrown into lockers, head flushed in toilets, puffer filled with hot sauce, underwear stretched to awe-inspiring lengths, et cetera.

But one day Stanley got sick of this treatment, and decided to do something about it.

"We have to get even with them, Stan," said his fellow nerd and best friend, Kyle. "Vengeance shall be ours!"

Now, you might be expecting Stanley to engage it humorous, embarrassing, or painful hijinks at this point, eventually resulting in his taking his revenge upon the bullies. This is a prime example of a situation where random things like pranks are very predictable. But not sensible. And sensible is what we're aiming for, so...

Stan and Kyle went to the office and reported the bullies, and the vigorous anti-bullying regulations the school imposed those days assured that the boys would never be bothered again, not to mention the assault charges that had been laid on the bullies for some of the more physical incidents.

Without the bullies to keep them down, Stan and Kyle reached their bull potential and started a multi-billion dollar business.

The bullies flunked out of high school and ended up in jail for various crimes, dying at an early age in prison fights and failed escape attempts.

THE END

. . . That was almost painful, you know. Doesn't belong in a story like this at all. But it was a sacrifice that had to be made. Being random all the time defeats the purpose of being random. Being random all the time become predictable. Being random---

"MOO!"

 

The End

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