"Oops, you're right about the rating and status, Rachel! Effect of catching "atchoo", I guess. It can also cloud your thinking!
Yes doc, it would have been nicer to say "Never have so many owed so much to .. atchoo!" I'm getting addicted to these species! See you again at "B.."!"
"Yeah, sorry... I actually was partly inspired by Rachel's Xong, I have to admit. It was very vivid and got me thinking about how beautiful the word excrement is for such a nasty thing!"
"Very nice again, Ganga. Like all the referencing to our quaint old ways in the twentieth century. And you managed to cross-reference yet another species - this is a trick I must get the knack of...
Did you miss the obvious rhyme, or am I being dense and missing your subtlety? Shouldn't it have been "never have so many owed so much to Atchoo"?
Have had mine for 6 weeks, so I appreciated this branch and sympathise with you completely. Bless you!"
"I would just go for it Ganga, if I were you. Has been four days since the last post, so don't think people are exactly queuing up. But good to get it going again. I'll follow you with an Au, that's a promise..."
"Hmm. This has cooled off as quickly as it got hot! Have been too busy being ill to add to it in the last week or so. Have some ideas mulling and rumbling around. Does anyone else?"
"DrPinch - draft mode stuff is in the works, but I don't think it'll work on chapters or branches, it'll just be for story roots, except for single-author stories (coming soon too.) Allowing users to reserve branches of a regular collaborative story would be asking for trouble from a griefing standpoint."
"Starting with the punch line and working backwards is a great way to go about it, definitely. And I totally know what you mean about getting it in there before someone else takes the post... It would be good if clicking to start a new branch or chapter did reserve it for a while so you didn't have to feel under pressure to rush it... (don't know what Nick would have to say about that?)
Ganga, it's a pleasure to have you involved in this. Thanks a lot."
"Thank you both Jillian and Dr Pinch, for your feedback! Much appreciated! You know, I would take constructive criticism over a series of "5" ratings any day! That will help me know honestly where I stand and what I can do better. I do admit that there is always scope for improvement.
For this one, I started with the end in mind - i.e., I wanted my punch line (or pinch line, in this case!) line to be "Pinch me!" - which would mean that the creature would have to be something that would put you in a "dream state". And your suggesting "aquatic" prompted me to make this one a marine species in a watery planet. (I had to write it before someone else wrote "Aquatic", or went past it!)
Plus, I liked those Agma-Gamas (annoying as they were), and I also felt a bit bad for being a little picky on Jillian's story! :)
But yes, I think those "light-sound" parts for instance could've been written better. Again, I look forward to more feedback as I continue to write!"
"Aw, man, I can see I'm going to make enemies for being too critical... I should watch myself... Anyway, to defend my opinion:
The structure and organisation are fine, yes, absolutely, can't argue. The length too is not a problem - I don't mean it needs more, I think I mean it needs to be tidier within each thought and paragraph; not more explanitory as much as better constructed. In a lot of these pieces there is so much description that it's easy to get convoluted and lose the sense of what you are trying to descibe, which makes them confusing. I commented on it because I struggle with that too and therefore notice it all the more when another writer does it.
Ganga's stuff is great, don't get me wrong! Perhaps I'm looking for perfection where it's not necessary to do so. These things are ultimately subjective, so if you say it's spot on I humbly bow down to your opinion. I think it could be better.
But really, REALLY, I am so much more interested in them being written at all - I don't want it to be hard work and pressurised and over analysed. It should be fun, so I will rein it in a bit. Sorry."
"Hmm, I'll have to disagree with the 'rushed' comment. The chapters are only supposed to be short excerpts from a 'book' so I can't really see any value being added by it being more explanatory or longer; it would just end up being more repetitive.
ganga starts off with the physical attributes and habits, continues with the discovery of the species, then the general affect that they have on the population, and finally finishes with their current status in the universe. It's all very descriptive, with a little wit thrown in as well.
It doesn't get much more organized than that! If you ask me, the technique is pretty spot on."
"Big points scored for cross referencing another species in the glossary! And a very nice idea in it's own right. What a lovely thought that they exist!
However, some of the execution in terms of writing style seems rushed (a common criticism, including my own entries). A little more thought in making these read well would be nice. The idea is fun and easy to access, but no excuse for general laziness in technique... don't you think?
(sorry for harsh tone - only trying to be constructive)"
"Whew!! That was quite a ride! I might have to read that one again, there's so much packed in there. So, they're a separate species, are they? Explains a lot, methinks."
""Saucy waters of Marinara" and "overheating of the Marinara." Love it! Chuckled heartily at those. Nice entry. Would love to meet one. They'd make great stress relievers."
I did mix tenses a bit in there because I wasn't able to look back in the story (I wrote it without internet access from the balcony of my hotel, and pasted it back into the site once I had wired access again in the room, so it might be a bit disjointed.)
Anyhow, I've tweaked the "lately" references to make a bit more sense in the context."
"Haha, thanks for the comments. Yeah, I can go pretty dark when I want to - space is a messy place, don't want it to be all filmstar blobs and cute puffballs out there...
Would gladly have made it longer, but was scrambling to get the basic idea out there before someone else took the next post. When I decide which ones to keep and develop I will "flesh" them all out to an A4 page, ideally.
And as for the old Dr. - well, I just love the guy! The picture I have in my head of him is very vivid, but want to see if anyone else deduces the details without me having to say too much... I Am starting to wish I hadn't chosen his name for my user name though, it's a bit confusing!"
"The dark side of DrPinch emerges. This was funny, but also disturbing. Especially the bit about the heart. This one almost begs for a longer entry and a bit more fleshing out (bad choice of words, there). Nice to see some of the character of "Dr. Pinch" come through. He's got his priorities straight, doesn't he? Pudding, indeed!
The sunshine reference is probably obvious enough to most people, except for daft souls like myself who had to do a Google search to find out what song it was from."
"I have one for "Apocalypsoes - " but don't have time right this instant. could anyone adding a chapter possibly stick between ANV and APL ? Would much appreciate it."
"It does suggest order, yes, but it can be put in order later perhaps. See, the counter argument is that I really want to know about Zombonic Xlaxofonian Yellers, and don't think I CAN wait that long for it!
"A "glossary" would suggest alphabetical order…still, at the current rate, anyone with description of Zombonic Xlaxofonian Yellers is in for a heck of a wait."
"Good suggestion Ganga thanks. And thanks for the congrats too! Waiting for more feedback on whether we should bother restricting entries by alphabet...?
There are already several species waiting in the wings suggested by existing entries - if we open it up Juniper could have her Trixic Cats, for example (well, yeah, OK, you got me, I wanna see them too...)!"
"Hey guys, how about changing the title for chapter 13 to "Ancient Himalayan Puffballs?" That way, at least the alphabetical order can be restored to the titles and we can continue from there. What do you think? Perhaps ask Nick to change the title once he is back? BTW, congrats Doctor! The species seem to be evolving nicely. Now if only I could think of something to add..!"
"i read some skipped some, kinda skimmed through, but didn't really pay attention to the titles, just looking at the content really, and by the way I think that's a compliment..."
"No worries, Snowstorm, it was bound to happen, but didn't reading the previous entries give you a hint? Or did you skip some? Be honest.
And about the 12 thing - I couln't care less if you were 2 or 102, but age does make a difference to technique, experience, vocabulary and all sorts of things. Don't be too defensive, because I was actually going to say (and I hope I'm not patronising you here...) that you have a lot of talent and with a bit more attention to detail could go a long way.
You want to be treated like it's a level playing field and I respect that, but don't take for granted that you are young - it's not a fault, it's a fact. I just wanted to clarify that's how old you were. Like it or not, some of your writing reflects your age... but, damn, I wish I was that promising aged 12!
"Yes, Fal, "w*nker" is generally much stronger than "idiot" as it is a sexual pejoritive that can be quite harsh, only a few notches below c**t. However, its usage can be quite mild and even a term of endearment when used in context (but this applies to everything). It's like "forget about it" in Donnie Brasco, if you saw that? Its meaning changes dependant on the setting and tone.
In this case, I think the character is more old-fashioned and clipped. A savvy, streetwise, East London researcher might use "w*nker", but "buffoon" is more our man's speed, I think."
"sorry for the alphabet muck-up. to tell the truth i never knew it was in alphabetical order. And could everyone stop saying "he's the 12 year old" as if I'm a loser and i deserve special treatment. It really annoys me how everyone thinks that way."
"I don't think you did a bad job at all WB, but I do suspect you could do even better if you wanted to...
Don't know if you saw my post on Nick's (our esteemed administrator's) page but am giving serious thought into turning this into a real project. Taking the best entries and assembling them into an illustrated book for publication (all original authours credited, of course).
I do not want to lose the sense of fun and spontaneity we've had so far, but the bar could be raised even higher... it's a challenge. Consider the gauntlet laid.
That said, I think it might be time to open her up and just say any creature beginning with any letter, so as not to impose too many limitations. If we can pretty much stick to the other format conventions though I would be very happy.
"So... Is "wan*er" a fairly bad one as slang words go? I thought it was just somewhere along the lines of "jerk" or "idiot," but perhaps my love of British vernacular does not necessarily go hand-in-hand with accurate knowledge about it."
"Well, you know theres a lot of mistakes in this thing here and there. I for one think that I did a really !&%* job in mine haha, but thats just my opinion on my own work. And then theres the alphabetical order thing...
Anyways, its good considering how hard it is to stay in the style."
"Hmmm, there goes the alphabet! I'm surprised the convention lasted as far as 13 species actually, it was a lot to ask.
What do people think? Should we try to get back on track with the rest of the A's or just open it up and sort it out if and when it ever gets finished?"
"Good one. Like the angle. Will just be picky and criticise it for its use of present tense and references to "lately" when the preface clearly states we are in the 22nd century.
"In chapter 13-himilayan puffballs the species is based on the puffballs i started in epic nursery rhyme for strange children and i must give thanks to GoldenKnight-for-all and Writers-Block for some of the back details on the puffballs that they developed in later chapters"
Yes doc, it would have been nicer to say "Never have so many owed so much to .. atchoo!" I'm getting addicted to these species! See you again at "B.."!"
Did you miss the obvious rhyme, or am I being dense and missing your subtlety? Shouldn't it have been "never have so many owed so much to Atchoo"?
Have had mine for 6 weeks, so I appreciated this branch and sympathise with you completely. Bless you!"
I wonder what will happen if the nine-headed asininers get infected by the "atchoos" (in my next chapter)!"
Ganga, it's a pleasure to have you involved in this. Thanks a lot."
For this one, I started with the end in mind - i.e., I wanted my punch line (or pinch line, in this case!) line to be "Pinch me!" - which would mean that the creature would have to be something that would put you in a "dream state". And your suggesting "aquatic" prompted me to make this one a marine species in a watery planet. (I had to write it before someone else wrote "Aquatic", or went past it!)
Plus, I liked those Agma-Gamas (annoying as they were), and I also felt a bit bad for being a little picky on Jillian's story! :)
But yes, I think those "light-sound" parts for instance could've been written better. Again, I look forward to more feedback as I continue to write!"
The structure and organisation are fine, yes, absolutely, can't argue. The length too is not a problem - I don't mean it needs more, I think I mean it needs to be tidier within each thought and paragraph; not more explanitory as much as better constructed. In a lot of these pieces there is so much description that it's easy to get convoluted and lose the sense of what you are trying to descibe, which makes them confusing. I commented on it because I struggle with that too and therefore notice it all the more when another writer does it.
Ganga's stuff is great, don't get me wrong! Perhaps I'm looking for perfection where it's not necessary to do so. These things are ultimately subjective, so if you say it's spot on I humbly bow down to your opinion. I think it could be better.
But really, REALLY, I am so much more interested in them being written at all - I don't want it to be hard work and pressurised and over analysed. It should be fun, so I will rein it in a bit. Sorry."
ganga starts off with the physical attributes and habits, continues with the discovery of the species, then the general affect that they have on the population, and finally finishes with their current status in the universe. It's all very descriptive, with a little wit thrown in as well.
It doesn't get much more organized than that! If you ask me, the technique is pretty spot on."
However, some of the execution in terms of writing style seems rushed (a common criticism, including my own entries). A little more thought in making these read well would be nice. The idea is fun and easy to access, but no excuse for general laziness in technique... don't you think?
(sorry for harsh tone - only trying to be constructive)"
Also, love UPO: United Planets Organization
One more thing: thanks for that little reference to the Agma-Gamas! It made me laugh."
(Bangs head against wall)."
Status: Dieing
Right thing to say if you ever meet one: do you want a puzzle?"
I did mix tenses a bit in there because I wasn't able to look back in the story (I wrote it without internet access from the balcony of my hotel, and pasted it back into the site once I had wired access again in the room, so it might be a bit disjointed.)
Anyhow, I've tweaked the "lately" references to make a bit more sense in the context."
Do you feel like telling me those now in a comment? 'Cos I am keeping track of all these in my own files, with a view to making this a real book...
Don't worry if you can't be arsed."
Would gladly have made it longer, but was scrambling to get the basic idea out there before someone else took the next post. When I decide which ones to keep and develop I will "flesh" them all out to an A4 page, ideally.
And as for the old Dr. - well, I just love the guy! The picture I have in my head of him is very vivid, but want to see if anyone else deduces the details without me having to say too much... I Am starting to wish I hadn't chosen his name for my user name though, it's a bit confusing!"
The sunshine reference is probably obvious enough to most people, except for daft souls like myself who had to do a Google search to find out what song it was from."
Is the reference in "Right thing to say..." obvious enough?"
If the God of Death was addicted to Hob-Nobs - what an idea!
Lots of stuff that could branch off into an actual story all its own here, Ganga - a sterling effort, my friend. Wonderful."
Chances are it wil happen again at some point, but we'll fall off that bridge when we get to it...
Don't want this issue to stop people posting."
Write about them now! Do it now!! Hahaha."
There are already several species waiting in the wings suggested by existing entries - if we open it up Juniper could have her Trixic Cats, for example (well, yeah, OK, you got me, I wanna see them too...)!"
And about the 12 thing - I couln't care less if you were 2 or 102, but age does make a difference to technique, experience, vocabulary and all sorts of things. Don't be too defensive, because I was actually going to say (and I hope I'm not patronising you here...) that you have a lot of talent and with a bit more attention to detail could go a long way.
You want to be treated like it's a level playing field and I respect that, but don't take for granted that you are young - it's not a fault, it's a fact. I just wanted to clarify that's how old you were. Like it or not, some of your writing reflects your age... but, damn, I wish I was that promising aged 12!
Keep an open mind and keep improving ;)"
In this case, I think the character is more old-fashioned and clipped. A savvy, streetwise, East London researcher might use "w*nker", but "buffoon" is more our man's speed, I think."
to tell the truth i never knew it was in alphabetical order. And could everyone stop saying "he's the 12 year old" as if I'm a loser and i deserve special treatment. It really annoys me how everyone thinks that way."
Don't know if you saw my post on Nick's (our esteemed administrator's) page but am giving serious thought into turning this into a real project. Taking the best entries and assembling them into an illustrated book for publication (all original authours credited, of course).
I do not want to lose the sense of fun and spontaneity we've had so far, but the bar could be raised even higher... it's a challenge. Consider the gauntlet laid.
That said, I think it might be time to open her up and just say any creature beginning with any letter, so as not to impose too many limitations. If we can pretty much stick to the other format conventions though I would be very happy.
It's yours as much as mine - take it away...!"
I'd say, let's go back and look for the "Aj" entry. Then the sky's wide open. 676 entries wide."
Am I right in thinking you are the young man who's 12 years old?"
I for one think that I did a really !&%* job in mine haha, but thats just my opinion on my own work.
And then theres the alphabetical order thing...
Anyways, its good considering how hard it is to stay in the style."
What do people think? Should we try to get back on track with the rest of the A's or just open it up and sort it out if and when it ever gets finished?"
But no biggie, thanks for contributing."