Species 18: Asininers

Sightings of this woeful species have become more and more rare in recent years, leading me to believe, alas, that they are in grave danger of disappearing forever, if not already extinct.

Not that I should be in the least bit surprised, considering some of the flagrantly dangerous and downright idiotic things I have seen them getting up to almost every time I've encountered them!

Previously quite common on the tropical moons of Praxx, and further afield to the reaches of Nokksmayer Gulch in sub-galaxy J, the Asininers (so named for their nine heads, shaped and coloured not unlike a donkey's) took 400 million years to evolve and less than half a millennium to reach their current state of critical endangerment. This is undoubtedly due to the fact that their intellects, despite elaborate political and economic systems, are little above that of your average nightclub bouncer or traffic warden... Nine heads and hardly any brains, oh the irony!

Their bodies are small and maladjusted to carry the weight of their heads, so that it is quite normal to see one dragging its chins along the dirt, looking sorry for itself. Their necks, however are, naturally, massive, and tremendously veiny!

Their diet consists almost exclusively of other creatures excrement, found lying around their various habitats. Not because they have developed a digestive system that can cope with it, or that it does them any good nutritionally in any way (apples would be a much better idea), but simply because they are quite, quite stupid and practically incapable of using judgment in any productive or sensible way. Consequently, sickness, disease and ultimately a painful death soon occurs.

Those that do survive almost invariably find some way to destroy themselves prematurely. I once had the displeasure of witnessing an Asininer mother who convinced herself it would be a good idea to take her seven babies (63 heads: what a sight!) in her arms and launch the lot of them over the edge of a virtually bottomless canyon, whence she would began shouting instructions on how to fly...! Asininers do not have wings. The babies flew vertically downwards at the exact rate of gravity and the mother died of guilt before they hit the bottom! Simply awful; I could do nothing about it!

On a positive note, if one can find solace in it, they produce some of the most entertaining reality TV shows in the known universe.

Rating: Don't make friends with them.

Status: Desperate.

Right thing to say if you ever meet one: Don't eat that sh*t, it's really not good for you!

The End

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