Articulata Interruptus

Once the ostricized of all sub-species, the Articulata Interruptus live largely at large with no fixed address or home planet.  In its singular form, neurogeneticists categorize them as Falsius Bipedius Interruptus, but they are more commonly referred to as the Humanoid Gossipi.

Although a sub-race, I include them here if only to retell one of the most catastrophic times in our history.

At one time, the Interrupti were employed largely in the news media (can you believe they once printed mandated truths on tree byproducts?), and perhaps the most widely read and believed.

But, in the first days of his Presidency, Jeff Johnson (then the "leader of the free world" and supposed-bastard great-grandson of former National Association of Evangelical Leaders head Riff Goodwin), invoked Presidential Powers and enacted legislation to "Rid the world of the scrounge of those that speak injustice." 

It should be noted that one must assume he meant "scurge" and not "scrounge."

This new "free speech" act made it a crime to tell an "un-truth" and, over the course of his remaining days in office Johnson published countless volumes of words, phrases, and subject matter then deemed "appropriate for using those lip things."

Language police - or the Fact from Fiction squad, FF for short - were sent to flush out those perpetrators who continued to utter "word-mongering falsehoods" and imprisoned in L-shaped solitary holding cells.  Within months - nay, weeks - the majority of the lying utterers were rounded up and were televised having their tongues cut out and their hands amputated.

With the rumourists thought to be gone, several things occured.  On a positive note, productivity in the workplace initially increased.  No longer were employees crowding around the watercooler discussing the latest current events. 

But it had detrimental effects as well.  Because of the complicated nature of having to re-learn language based on the "Words of Justice Initiative" set forth by the President, humans soon began to realize that it was easier to say nothing than to try to remember what could be said.  Language began crumbling into incoherent grunts, gestures, and gesticulations. Marriages failed.  Students failed. And eventually, businesses failed.

Over time, this race was thought to have died out.  But it was not to be.  Several underground groups made their way to interstellar vacation hotspots such as the penal colony of Vortab Xumuli in vector 5 of system Organnix, and hid in the lush grasses of the savannah, eventually inter-breeding with the Xumulins and creating an even nastier version of untruthers than before.

The Xumulins had been ousted by their home planet because of their propensity of stealing the thougths of others, rendering their victims speechless and blank-faced.

And then they returned.  Thousands of Xumulin-Interruptus (often called Xumulipti) hybrids touched down overnight and reclaimed their rightful spot among us.  More precisely, among the sanctioned newstellers and storywriters of those few who remained, those who had mastered the Truth Intiatives Compendium (TIC).

With precision, they made their way to the Oval Office, slaughtered the President and his guards and, in the morning, made their way to Good Morning America and burned the TIC on national television.

Soon, they made their way to other planets suffering from the same sound of silence, and liberated those under the oppression of wordless civilization.

It took several decades, but the lost art of language was slowly reclaimed, resurrected, and relearned, and for that we have to thank the hybrid criminals who offered us hope.

Rating:  Alive and well

Status:  Dangerous, but required

Right Thing to Say Should You Ever Meet One:  Thank you.

The End

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