Species 16: Aqua-Nymphites
Seldom have I seen a species more beautiful than the Aqua-Nymphites. With blue-green skin and golden fins, the Aqua-Nymphites live deep down the dense waters of planet Marinara. For the astronomically challenged and those who may mistake it for a pasta sauce by the same name, Marinara is a watery planet 10 million light years away from Earth.
The Aqua-Nymphites reign supreme in the art of light and sound. They emit a ray of dazzling colours causing a hypnotic effect. In addition, they produce a humming sound that can induce one to sleep. This is their defense system from the predators.
When we first landed in the saucy waters of Marinara, so spell-bound was our entire crew by the beauty and the melodious hums of these Aqua-Nymphites that we almost drowned when a huge wave hit the ship.
When the video recordings were broadcast in 2126, millions watching it were believed to have gone into a blissful trance, and were reported to have woken up happy.
The sound effects of these Aqua-Nymphites have been used in clinical therapies and polysomnographic research, and have been prescribed as sleep aids.
During the early stages of this discovery, a number of crimes were reported where thieves were said to have hypnotized people with these light and sound effects. Since then, aqua-block-glasses that reflect these blue-green light effects became standard for windows.
Alas, despite being some of the most beautiful creatures in the universe, these species are now in a decline due to the over-heating of the Marinara and their being killed by predators and greedy inter-stellar hunters.
The United Planets Organization has made the Aqua-Nymphites an endangered species, and hunting them is now deemed a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment in a room filled with Agma-Gamas.
Very few of these Aqua-Nymphites are now seen in Marinara which has been declared a preserved galactic park accessible only through guided tours.
Rating: Mesmerizing!
Status: Endangered
Right thing to say should you ever meet one: Pinch me!! I must be dreaming!
Yes doc, it would have been nicer to say "Never have so many owed so much to .. atchoo!" I'm getting addicted to these species! See you again at "B.."!"
Did you miss the obvious rhyme, or am I being dense and missing your subtlety? Shouldn't it have been "never have so many owed so much to Atchoo"?
Have had mine for 6 weeks, so I appreciated this branch and sympathise with you completely. Bless you!"
I wonder what will happen if the nine-headed asininers get infected by the "atchoos" (in my next chapter)!"
Ganga, it's a pleasure to have you involved in this. Thanks a lot."
For this one, I started with the end in mind - i.e., I wanted my punch line (or pinch line, in this case!) line to be "Pinch me!" - which would mean that the creature would have to be something that would put you in a "dream state". And your suggesting "aquatic" prompted me to make this one a marine species in a watery planet. (I had to write it before someone else wrote "Aquatic", or went past it!)
Plus, I liked those Agma-Gamas (annoying as they were), and I also felt a bit bad for being a little picky on Jillian's story! :)
But yes, I think those "light-sound" parts for instance could've been written better. Again, I look forward to more feedback as I continue to write!"
The structure and organisation are fine, yes, absolutely, can't argue. The length too is not a problem - I don't mean it needs more, I think I mean it needs to be tidier within each thought and paragraph; not more explanitory as much as better constructed. In a lot of these pieces there is so much description that it's easy to get convoluted and lose the sense of what you are trying to descibe, which makes them confusing. I commented on it because I struggle with that too and therefore notice it all the more when another writer does it.
Ganga's stuff is great, don't get me wrong! Perhaps I'm looking for perfection where it's not necessary to do so. These things are ultimately subjective, so if you say it's spot on I humbly bow down to your opinion. I think it could be better.
But really, REALLY, I am so much more interested in them being written at all - I don't want it to be hard work and pressurised and over analysed. It should be fun, so I will rein it in a bit. Sorry."
ganga starts off with the physical attributes and habits, continues with the discovery of the species, then the general affect that they have on the population, and finally finishes with their current status in the universe. It's all very descriptive, with a little wit thrown in as well.
It doesn't get much more organized than that! If you ask me, the technique is pretty spot on."
However, some of the execution in terms of writing style seems rushed (a common criticism, including my own entries). A little more thought in making these read well would be nice. The idea is fun and easy to access, but no excuse for general laziness in technique... don't you think?
(sorry for harsh tone - only trying to be constructive)"
Also, love UPO: United Planets Organization
One more thing: thanks for that little reference to the Agma-Gamas! It made me laugh."
(Bangs head against wall)."
Status: Dieing
Right thing to say if you ever meet one: do you want a puzzle?"
I did mix tenses a bit in there because I wasn't able to look back in the story (I wrote it without internet access from the balcony of my hotel, and pasted it back into the site once I had wired access again in the room, so it might be a bit disjointed.)
Anyhow, I've tweaked the "lately" references to make a bit more sense in the context."
Do you feel like telling me those now in a comment? 'Cos I am keeping track of all these in my own files, with a view to making this a real book...
Don't worry if you can't be arsed."
Would gladly have made it longer, but was scrambling to get the basic idea out there before someone else took the next post. When I decide which ones to keep and develop I will "flesh" them all out to an A4 page, ideally.
And as for the old Dr. - well, I just love the guy! The picture I have in my head of him is very vivid, but want to see if anyone else deduces the details without me having to say too much... I Am starting to wish I hadn't chosen his name for my user name though, it's a bit confusing!"
The sunshine reference is probably obvious enough to most people, except for daft souls like myself who had to do a Google search to find out what song it was from."
Is the reference in "Right thing to say..." obvious enough?"
If the God of Death was addicted to Hob-Nobs - what an idea!
Lots of stuff that could branch off into an actual story all its own here, Ganga - a sterling effort, my friend. Wonderful."
Chances are it wil happen again at some point, but we'll fall off that bridge when we get to it...
Don't want this issue to stop people posting."
Write about them now! Do it now!! Hahaha."
There are already several species waiting in the wings suggested by existing entries - if we open it up Juniper could have her Trixic Cats, for example (well, yeah, OK, you got me, I wanna see them too...)!"
And about the 12 thing - I couln't care less if you were 2 or 102, but age does make a difference to technique, experience, vocabulary and all sorts of things. Don't be too defensive, because I was actually going to say (and I hope I'm not patronising you here...) that you have a lot of talent and with a bit more attention to detail could go a long way.
You want to be treated like it's a level playing field and I respect that, but don't take for granted that you are young - it's not a fault, it's a fact. I just wanted to clarify that's how old you were. Like it or not, some of your writing reflects your age... but, damn, I wish I was that promising aged 12!
Keep an open mind and keep improving ;)"
In this case, I think the character is more old-fashioned and clipped. A savvy, streetwise, East London researcher might use "w*nker", but "buffoon" is more our man's speed, I think."
to tell the truth i never knew it was in alphabetical order. And could everyone stop saying "he's the 12 year old" as if I'm a loser and i deserve special treatment. It really annoys me how everyone thinks that way."
Don't know if you saw my post on Nick's (our esteemed administrator's) page but am giving serious thought into turning this into a real project. Taking the best entries and assembling them into an illustrated book for publication (all original authours credited, of course).
I do not want to lose the sense of fun and spontaneity we've had so far, but the bar could be raised even higher... it's a challenge. Consider the gauntlet laid.
That said, I think it might be time to open her up and just say any creature beginning with any letter, so as not to impose too many limitations. If we can pretty much stick to the other format conventions though I would be very happy.
It's yours as much as mine - take it away...!"
I'd say, let's go back and look for the "Aj" entry. Then the sky's wide open. 676 entries wide."
Am I right in thinking you are the young man who's 12 years old?"
I for one think that I did a really ^$#^ job in mine haha, but thats just my opinion on my own work.
And then theres the alphabetical order thing...
Anyways, its good considering how hard it is to stay in the style."
What do people think? Should we try to get back on track with the rest of the A's or just open it up and sort it out if and when it ever gets finished?"
But no biggie, thanks for contributing."