Species 11: Aiieeeeeeeee!!

The Aiieeeeeeeee is named for it's ear-piercing, blood-curdling scream.

Once a technologically advanced race, the Aiieeeeeeeee have, in the course of a few short centuries, been reduced to nomadic tribes of pathetic wankers.

The problem: The Aiieeeeeeeee are a race renowned for their utter paranoia.

So intense was their collective fear of all things "out there" that, over aeons, the Aiieeeeeeeee evolved into a highly sensitive, highly observant people with sensory organs in places where sensory organs really had no business being at all.

They developed eyes on their buttocks and noses on their tailbones. One hardly need imagine the consequences.

Moxom's Concordance of Really Stupid Societies lists the Aiieeeeeeeee as "a race with it's head quite literally up its own arse."

The ultimate downfall of the Aiieeeeeeeee civilization came about because of a catastrophic crop failure which forced them to switch from their beloved Blue Radishes and Green Beets to the much-deprecated Dovo-Beans.

Yes, you read correctly: Beans.

The ensuing flatulence would have been unbearable even for a race that didn't have noses just above their anuses. For the Aiieeeeeeeee, it was nothing short of catastrophic. Most citizens were in a constant state of running away from themselves.

As a result, mail went undelivered, crops went unharvested, and attendance at operas dwindled to almost nothing. Oddly, the popularity of table tennis increased dramatically. There is still no explanation for this.

Perhaps evolution will one day grant the Aiieeeeeeeee a break. Or perhaps they'll just develop gas masks.

Rating: Pathetic

Status: Barely hanging on, but chin up!

Right Thing to Say Should You Ever Meet One: Dear God, open a window!

The End

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