Somewhere way, way, way past the Dog Star in a remote system orbiting an obscure galaxy migrating through an indeterminate region of the universe, there is a planet, as strange as it is delicious.

There are no other lifeforms on this planet. In fact, this planet consists entirely of a staggering multiplication of a single species. Asexual and reproducing by cellular division, the Ameobrosia are densely packed within its "core" and the density decreases by gradation as altitude is achieved; the surface seethes with Ameobrosia.

Space faring species who have chanced upon this planet find themselves incredibly lucky, not only because its coordinates are near impossible to discover, but also because the Ameobrosia is to date the universe's most superlative food source.

For humans, a single serving, a bean sized portion of Ameobrosia, contains all the essential nutrients. This singlehandedly solved the hunger crisis on Earth (if this never happened on your Earth, then I'm sorry friend, it was a parallel Earth).

Scientists studying this creature have discovered that each known species in the universe is capable of metabolizing Ameobrosia, which will conform to the species's nutritional needs for a perfect diet. It will also conform to each species's idea of what constitutes a delectable morsel.

The Ameobrosia's unique biology combines the planaria's regeneration ability with the viscosity and shape of an amoeba. It takes several centuries to divide; there is a loophole past this. The earliest explorers noted that if the Ameobrosia were frightened, they would instantly divide into two.

Researchers have gone as far as placing a single bean-sized Ameobrosia in a large glass tank and pumping into it Insane Clown Posse at a very high volume. The results was astonishing. The Ameobrosia replicated at exponential speed, filling up the square meter tank within minutes.

This phenomenon brings into question the conservation of mass law. Where did the added mass come from?!  Eccentric scientist Barmy Nutterball has posited a theory that the Ameobrosia were capable of transporting raw materials for genetic reconstructions of itself across vast distances, and conversely, were  responsible for question of the missing mass that has haunted scientists for years.

So the Ameobrosia is the most delicious and least dangerous organism in the universe?! Not exactly. There is a danger. Since frightening the Ameobrosia results in an instantaneous division, imagine the implications of a frightened Ameobrosia ground between teeth then traveling down an esophagus?

After accidents of ruptured digestive systems and/or asphyxiation many species have learned to tease the Ameobrosia with their mouth cavities in a manner that seems to be pleasing to the Ameobrosia. This has the added benefit of causing warlike people to become more peaceable. It is difficult to determine whether it is due to the Ameobrosia's chemical composition or the absorbing nature of the consumption ritual.

Rating: Extremely delicious

Status: Impossible to exterminate

Right thing to say if you ever meet one: Mffmmpff! (because you have stuffed it in your mouth without realizing it)


The End

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