Don't Forfeit Yourself

Hi there. I bet you weren't expecting me.

Well here I am, anyway, and I'm here to point out something I was surprised went unsaid. My advice goes for the wooing of both genders, though I'm straight-preference, I'm pretty non-discriminatory when it comes to this kind of thing. Whatever your orientation or gender or sensibility, the advice to not forfeit yourself to the whims of your crush is pretty sound.

Don't worry. I know that "don't forfeit yourself" is anything but a simple idea.

The thing is, ladies and gentlemen, when you find a person that you particularly like, you want to win them over. That's not unreasonable, and neither is reading up on methods of winning the love and adoration of this person.

What is unreasonable, and what I see too often in many teens and sometimes in adults as well, is the tendency to treat this admired person as an alien, that is, something that has to be treated according to certain rules, with the utmost caution, like a bomb that must be detonated.

You know what I'm talking about. There has always been that one person in your class or workplace or university campus who has awkwardly touched your arm when talking to you, giggled at your every joke, that took up football when you said you liked sports, or dressed head-to-toe in orange, because you said that was your favourite colour, that you've never really got to have a proper conversation with because you liked each other too much. Or maybe you didn't like them, in which case, it got even more awkward.

You know who I mean. That one awkward person. Well, comrade, for pity's sake, don't commit the same folly.

If she likes flowers, don't inundate her with the damn things. If he likes animals, don't go down to the Pets at Home and buy him ten gerbils. If your current love has a particular interest, be it Croc collecting, ventriloquy, or anarcho-syndicalism, while it's good to read up on them, and talk about them, but please, please, puh-lease don't pretend you're fascinated with whatever it is too.

You'll look like you don't know what the hell you're doing, and also, that you'll mold to their interests, or you're trying far too hard to hang out with them. That kind of person, to anyone, is not worthy of respect - but pity.

So, what should you do, you poor, lost person, you?

Well, read up on their interest. And then, formulate an opinion, Because what people really want in a partner, which I assume you aspire to be, is someone who will fulfill them in as many ways as possible, someone they can depend on, who has an interest and a life of their own, who can provide amusement and love and care and maturity. Copying someone is kid behaviour. Reading up on something and forming a rounded opinion is an important aspect of growing up. Remember that they want their match, their equal, not someone who will bore them out of their tiny mind by agreeing with everything they say, even if secretly, they disagree, or worse, don't even know what they're on about.

It's all right not to know everything about your crush's hobbies. That makes for good conversation, and therefore, bonding, to help you on your way to winning them over.

So, be yourself: any number of great men and women have told you that!

Postscript. If their hobby happens to be burning houses down or injecting heroin into their eyeballs, consider carefully if they might get you into trouble or influence you to do things you wouldn't normally do. While a bit of adventure is fun with the one you love, it's not worth engaging in things that are going to get you a criminal record or a stint in rehab or otherwise become a life regret.

The End

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