A Conversation With the Monster Under My Bed

There's a monster under my bed. And he talks.

Author's Note: This was originally from my blog, hence the Twitter and blog mentions. That is all.

It was a long and tiring night. You know those kinds of nights where you try to sleep but you just can't? Kinda what happened to me. So there I was, trying to sleep, physically spent from attempting strenuous physical activities known as exercise, when I hear a snarling under my bed. Kind of like a dog, but not a dog. “Hello? Are there monsters under my bed?” I asked while whispering.

“Sorry, didn't hear you. What did you say?” a voice from underneath replied.

I gave an exasperated sigh. “I said 'Are there monsters under my bed?'”

“Nope,” the voice replied. His voice was gruff, like a biker or an action movie star or sandpaper.

“Then what exactly are you?”

“Did you call me a 'what'?” the voice sounded kind of angry.

“Well, what am I supposed to call you?” I asked.

“Well, my friends call me Kenny.”

Now, the thought of running outside or panicking did not even attempt to enter my mind.

“Friends?”

“Yes, you stupid dunce, monsters have friends, too.”

“But you said there were no monsters under my bed.”

“Yeah, there's only one monster. Monster.”

“Oh, I see.” I replied rather calmly. I did not want to appear frightened. That would make me feel like a liar.

“Hey, kiddo, what's your name?”

“I'd rather not. My mom told me not to talk to strangers, and monsters definitely count as strangers.”

“Well, can I call you Rick?”

“Yeah, sure.” My name is Gabby, but was I supposed to tell him that? He could steal my identity, or worse, sell my name to spammer companies. No thank you.

“I'll tell you what. You seem like a nice guy. I won't eat you. I'm on a no-kid diet.”

“Actually, I'm a teenager. I'm just kinda short for my age.”

“Okay. But don't worry; I still won't eat you. It's actually a no-human diet.”

“So how did you end up under my bed?”

“Friend said he'd pay me twenty dollars to hide under your bed for 12 hours.” the voice replied.


“My bed or any bed?” I asked.

“He said any bed. I was in the neighborhood. Was gonna stay under a nice king-sized bed, but I got lost. Used my teleportation powers to travel to the nearest bed. So here I am.”

“How will you prove you hid under a bed?”

A quick flash of light answered my question. I couldn't see him, but I was pretty sure Kenny was smiling with his plaque-ey, green, cavity riddled teeth.

“Selfie.”

“Monsters take selfies? And you can teleport?”

“Rick, there's a lot about monsters you don't understand.”

"Fair enough."

“Say, Rick, do you write?”

“Actually I have a blog. And I'm on Twitter.”

“We should totally keep in touch.”

“Agreed.”

I could finally feel the sweet oblivion of sleep creep up on me. “Hey, Kenny, I gotta sleep.”

“Alright, won't bother you no more.”

He was quiet after that. As I faded into subconsciousness, Kenny said one more thing.
“Hey, Rick?”

“Yeah, Kenny?”

“Goodnight, man-flesh.”

"Goodnight, Kenny."

The End

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