Ninja Cow Greatest Hero of them ALL!

The  puny human pulled another combat knife from some orifice and threw it at me. The searing hot blade struck my rump.

"Oh my god," I cried out in pleasure and had to tether my mouth shut. I pawed the ground in happiness but I think he mistook it for anger as he charged at me. They always do this, I thought glumly. I stood up, pulling my hooves into a praying cowtis position, he came closer and closer.

"I have foot and mouth!" I shouted very fast and he slipped, falling to the ground in an uncomfortable position, his but in the air.

I moved closer to him, a huge towering figure.

"Up grasshopper, see if you can take this flower from my mouth!" I laughed in derision as the man took out his shotgun.

"EAT STEAK!" he roared and shot at me.  dodged it and pirouetted across the clearing.

I could feel my glowing red eyes burn with annoyance, I don't appreciate guns, too many bad memories in the animal farm...

"Eat... I'm sorry no good cuisines come from human meat, it's too gritty and polluted."

"I know pollution is a major factor in a modern society isn't it-"

"-and no matter what anybody says, we continue to do it, sorry you do, us cows are perfectly innocent!" I farted loud and booming. A guilty look took over my face.

"You were saying, cow flatulence is a huge factor in global warming."

"Please it's just one big theory."

"Oh the famous argument, people don't like the truth, so just call it a theory!"

"Well it is, it's not been proven, so why should I change my whole life style on a possibility?"

"Because it's people like you that ruin this world!"

"I'm not a person, I'm a cow, now... crouching tiger hidden doughnut!" I leapt from a crouching position and sliced him with a hoof.

At that point we were surrounded by zombies.

We looked at each other, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend," I nodded to him.

"Especially when the enemy will eat our brains for a snack!"

The End

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