The puny human pulled another combat knife from some orifice and threw it at me. The searing hot blade struck my rump.
"Oh my god," I cried out in pleasure and had to tether my mouth shut. I pawed the ground in happiness but I think he mistook it for anger as he charged at me. They always do this, I thought glumly. I stood up, pulling my hooves into a praying cowtis position, he came closer and closer.
"I have foot and mouth!" I shouted very fast and he slipped, falling to the ground in an uncomfortable position, his but in the air.
I moved closer to him, a huge towering figure.
"Up grasshopper, see if you can take this flower from my mouth!" I laughed in derision as the man took out his shotgun.
"EAT STEAK!" he roared and shot at me. dodged it and pirouetted across the clearing.
I could feel my glowing red eyes burn with annoyance, I don't appreciate guns, too many bad memories in the animal farm...
"Eat... I'm sorry no good cuisines come from human meat, it's too gritty and polluted."
"I know pollution is a major factor in a modern society isn't it-"
"-and no matter what anybody says, we continue to do it, sorry you do, us cows are perfectly innocent!" I farted loud and booming. A guilty look took over my face.
"You were saying, cow flatulence is a huge factor in global warming."
"Please it's just one big theory."
"Oh the famous argument, people don't like the truth, so just call it a theory!"
"Well it is, it's not been proven, so why should I change my whole life style on a possibility?"
"Because it's people like you that ruin this world!"
"I'm not a person, I'm a cow, now... crouching tiger hidden doughnut!" I leapt from a crouching position and sliced him with a hoof.
At that point we were surrounded by zombies.
We looked at each other, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend," I nodded to him.
"Especially when the enemy will eat our brains for a snack!"