"Okay, so, there are Vogons very nearby," said Elo, scooping up a few loose slices of lake from the flapper on the bug and popping them back into the picnic gasket. "We've also got the additional issue of a very confused Doctor whose HARDIS may not fly again without serious repairs, thanks to you. And Spook's got company."

"Spook," insisted the Doctor. "I'm here to arrest Spook!"

He didn't seem to be able to say anything else.

"Hey, boys," said Del, and the assorted rifle bearers turned to look at her. "Would you like a piece of lake? Baked it myself, but watch out for the spike."

"Spike?" said the Doctor. He was clutching a piece of lake and now looked at it rather nervously.

Delorfinde smiled sweetly at him. "I think it used to be a type of fish, but somebody was rather careless with their proof-reading. I wouldn't advise eating it. It hurts the throat rather."

He swallowed and put the lake down, resting it on his knee.

Charlie Company were tucking in happily, although the unfortunate and diminutive Goldsworthy was also trying to brush some of the dirt off his uniform. Spook seemed rather put out by this. "What are you doing? They can't fight if they've been stuffing themselves with lake!"

"Better than those Green's Biscuits you were telling me about, eh?" said Del. "We've gotta feed them. And besides," she lowered her voice so that the cadet boys wouldn't hear, "it'll keep them occupied until we need them."

"Everybody likes lake," said Spook, in her best Donkey voice. "But Del ... what if the Vogons come while they're eating?"

"Invite them to have some too!" she said, dancing away with a grin, down towards the cake.

"What?"

"Give them some lake! They probably need it. They'll have been flying for hours, and everyone likes a farty. Don't look at me like that. They might be Vogons, but they can still enjoy a piece of lake like civilised beings."

It was about then that the Doctor seemed to get over his dumbness and he looked at Del with absolute horror. "No," he said. "I bid for it."

"I'm sorry?"

"I bid for it!" He tried to say it right, and only succeeded in stumbling over his words. "I bid for it!"

"I think he's trying to say that it's not allowed," whispered Spook.

"Oh. And why is that, Doctor?"

"Under absolutely no circumstances must you give a Vogon a piece of - of lake!" Again, his lack of knowledge about the Land of Typo was causing him a few troubles and mental blocks. "It's absolutely bidden for! What do they teach them in these schools?"

"I can tell you one thing," said Elo, looking up at the sound of raised voices. "They don't teach them how to spell like they used to, that's for curtain."

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Author guidance for This story

PLEASE READ

This is an in-joke. Unless you have been blessed with this knowledge by either myself, SpookofNight or Elorithryn, this story won't make any sense, so I advise you not to post.

Just friendly advice, of course. You may pick it up after a while, though by that time it will probably have entered the realm of the ridiculous.

Mind you, anything with us in it, well ....

This is not intended to be serious. The idea is not to write is spectacularly. The idea is to make each other laugh - and perhaps a few unsuspecting readers. Remember that if you are rating.

Delorfinde

Glossary

Clock = Cloak
Window = Wind
Lake = Cake
Cake = Lake
Serenaded = Serrated
Rice = Nice
FLOORED = 'LORD' (My novel)
WALLED = 'Memory' (3rd in series of above novel. I did not name it that! Blame Elo!)
Burpday = Birthday
Procrastonize = Protagonize
Woogle = Google
Dive = Drive
Kitten=Kitchen
Anger=Arger
Tablet=Table
Sand Witches=Sandwiches (duh)
Cuplakes=Cupcakes
Fake=Bake
Foam=Phone
Farty=Party
Deer=Dear
Bug=Rug
Thinging = Thingy
Flapper=Platter
Steaming=Steering
Yellowed=yelled
Cyberpens=Cybermen
Knit=Hit
Bagel Fish=Babel Fish (Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy)
Resignated=resigned
Confuzzled=confused
Beat=beet
Impotence=Importance
Pool=Fool
Gasket=Basket
Spike=Pike
Green's Biscuits=Brown's Biscuits (ask Spook, I've no idea what they are)
Bid for=forbid
Curtain=certain

Other
Strag= non-Hitchhiker
Frood= Awesomely together kind of guy

Note:
If a phrase is in square brackets, i.e [hi], it's a little 'aside' from the author.

More coming soon

updated Dec 31 '11 by delorfinde