You know it's me, now, so the first thing I want you to do is not cry. Because it hurts when you cry, you know?
I guess you need an explanation.
Ilene, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that I left you like that, but... I had to. It all killed me, it was slowly killing me, and I couldn't stand it. Every little thing was building over my head, and it was only a matter of time until it all toppled over. I just made it painless.
In my life, you were one of the best, best parts - I could never regret you. You were part of why I stayed for so long. I couldn't have, otherwise. Will was as well. Thank him for me.
This message is only for you, only, because you seemed like the only person who'd have an inkling of what I felt.
I know you hated it. You loathed it, you were so kind and steady with children. And I - well. I guess I thought you'd be disgusted with me. Because it was really awful, Ilene, and I could never feel happy about myself after it. You musn't tell my dad, because he could hurt you if he knew I told you, but please. Stay away from him. Tell my mum, secretly, get her away from him.
Lastly, because I want this to be as breif as possible.
I'm fine, Il, I really am. I just couldn't live there any more. It was too painful, too much, too... hurtful. I'm ready to accept retribution. I couldn't bear being with everyone any more.
It's really different over here, and I can't regret my decision. I apologize if it hurts you. But I'm okay. I hope you are.
I love you.