The Royal Grandchildren

Prince Philip tried whispering something to Prince William who, as his eldest son's eldest son, was second in line to the throne. The dignified fair-haired young man, however, was very mature for his age and simply walked away without acknowledging the silly suggestion his grandfather had just made.

Philip simply shrugged his shoulders and turned to William's red-haired younger brother, fiery and excitable Harry, whose passion could turn as easily to humour as it could to misery or rage. Harry grinned and raced over to his father, Prince Charles.

"Chorles!" he said and started running before Charles realised what had been said and started to chase him.

"Not that bloody Chorles business again!" he shouted as he tried to keep up with his impossibly athletic son.

Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh and husband to Her Majesty, sat in his chair and chuckled quietly to himself. Playing pranks on his son was one of his greatest pleasures in life.

The Queen came into the room and everyone stood.

"Do sit down, everyone," she said and sat herself.

She apologised for being pre-occupied but she wanted to learn her speech for the forthcoming opening of Pig World and she couldn't seem to find her glasses anywhere.

"Where have the goggles gone?" intoned Philip in a mantra-like way.

"Philip, please, one needs glasses if one is to study a speech - you know that."

"Where have the goggles gone?" Prince Philip was now clapping high above his head in time with what he was chanting.

"Where have the goggles gone? Where have the goggles where have the goggles where have the goggles gone?"

"Philip I need my glasses if I'm to learn the speech."

Harry had returned unnoticed. His army training allowed him to hide his breathlessness - and, indeed, his very presence - and sneak under the table. He had also spotted where his grandfather had put his grandmother's glasses - in a glass of champagne. He quietly raised an arm, felt around the table and removed the glasses. He then crawled further under the table and found a glass which some plebby guard or other had been drinking from. It had Empire Coke in it - how wonderfully common and generally Lower Mid! He placed the glasses in that and held onto it waiting for Philip to give in and hand his wife the champagne glass.

He heard a "Thank you," from the Queen and then the sound of bothe his grandparents being surprised. There was general cries of "not there" and a search being organised.

"Where have the goggles gone?" he asked, clapping his hands above his head as he emerged from under his table, giving everybody a jump.

"Ah, here they are," said Philip, retrieving the glasses from behind a bookcase. The Queen put them on and ignored her grandson. Now Harry had been outmanoeuvred. He didn't like that awful smirk his grandfather was giving him. So if these weren't the Queen's glasses, then whose...

"Excuse me, my friends, I am very sorry but I can't seem to find my spectacles anywhere," said Tariq Aziz, the Iraqi delegate, as he entered the room. "Without them Iam almost..."

He stopped. There was an awful pause as he noticed Prince Harry holding onto a half-drunk glass of Coke with his glasses in them.

"So this is how you see fit to treat your Middle Eastern allies?" he asked.

"You did not check my religion before inviting me to Pig World. As it happens I am Catholic but I so easily could have been Muslim. This is the disdain you have for my countrymen. And now I find your grandson, your majesty - your grandson - trying to sabotage my spectacles by dissolving them in - in - a common glass of Coke."

"Please, Mr. Aziz!" begged the Queen.

"No, your majesty," said Mr. Aziz calmly. "Your insults are plain enough to see. Tell your Prime Minister - your country is at war with Iraq!"

The End

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